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You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant

March 5th, 2009

old-lady

Ehh? What’s that you say?

Sorry apparently I am having a hard time hearing

you.  Hold on a minute I need to stir my Metamucil

into my prune juice. I will be right with you after I

change my Depends

because oops I just crapped my pants!

metimucil

Ok now we can sit a spell and visit.

Now….let’s get right to it.

Which one of you did it?

Who sent my name into whomever it is that decides that you are an official old person.  Is there some sort of agency that has a list of people who watch FoxNews and Bill O’Reilly?

I am only 28 people!

crappedmypants

Can someone please explain to me why I keep getting AARP notices in the mail at least once a week?  And what is up with the hearing aid advertisements? Yesterday I got an offer in the mail for some sort of program to help with my funeral expenses.

MY FUNERAL EXPENSES!!!!

I have also gotten several coupons for free lunch and learn seminars at local restaurants.  Here you go Mrs. Bond have a free lunch.  All you have to do is come and listen to why our hearing aid is the best out there!  We will even give you a free hearing test at our auditory clinic.

What would happen if I actually showed up to one of these lunch and learn things?

I can just imagine myself strolling into the restaurant carrying Alivia in the sling.

“Oh hi ya’ll I am here for my free lunch and to learn all about your awesome hearing aids.  YES I am really 75 years old.  This is just my granddaughter.  Yeah I just have a really good plastic surgeon.  I SAID I HAVE A REALLY GOOD PLASTIC SURGEON!”

BAH!

Filed under Random, funny | Comments (12)

12 Responses to “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant”

  1. Tammy on March 5, 2009 12:33 pm

    Bwah ha ha ha……kudos to the guilty party. (says the 40 year old)

  2. Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children on March 5, 2009 2:02 pm

    I think someone totally punked you! When my brother was maybe 8 or 9, I ordered him a free pair of Depends that he received in the mail. After that, he started getting AARP info and coupons for early dinners.

  3. Leslie M. on March 5, 2009 2:59 pm

    OMG.. you did it again!!!!! I am going to HAVE to wear an ooops I PEED my pants when I read your Blog!! You ARE HYSTERICAL!!!!
    I love you!!!!
    Leslie
    LesieVeg@msn.com
    http://leslielovesveggies.blogspot.com/

  4. Mom on March 5, 2009 5:25 pm

    Hey, when and where is that lunch and learn clinic anyway?

  5. Hillary on March 5, 2009 6:02 pm

    I hear you on the AARP membership. They sent me something once a week for the longest time, and now they’re sending stuff to my husband instead. I want to know what I subscribed to/bought/ordered/emailed to be getting this stuff in the mail. Just watch. We’ll all finally reach AARP age, and they’ll ignore us.

  6. Muthering Heights on March 5, 2009 8:09 pm

    Hahahahaha!!!

  7. Meredith from Merchant Ships on March 5, 2009 10:29 pm

    You are too funny!

  8. Sharla on March 5, 2009 10:58 pm

    LOL, whaddayoudo? When you’re old, you’re old. I’m sorry sweetie. ;) Seriously, if you write more posts like these I’m going to need some of those too.

  9. aimee on March 6, 2009 4:24 pm

    This is so freaking funny! I think Big Brother is keeping track of you like you said, somehow they know that your old ass watches O’Rielly and Fox News. I bet that’s what has happened!!

  10. aimee on March 6, 2009 4:27 pm

    Oh and I love the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation reference. It’s my favorite quote from that movie!

  11. d on March 8, 2009 6:32 pm

    You won the TUTULEGZ!

    Contact me with your mailing addy.

    supahmommy@comcast.net

  12. Mel on March 12, 2009 8:23 am

    You’re hilarious!

Comments are closed.