Before I got married and had children (or the other way around in my case) I never thought about anyone but myself. I was so self centered. I was blind to what other people were going through and I never paused long enough to try and be empathetic. If I heard a sad story or my mom told me about something important that was going on, it went in one ear and right out the other. In my defense, I realize that I was young and immature, and it’s typical to be a little ignorant because of lack of life experience. I also know that people who have more children than I do or have been married for longer would probably say that I still have much to learn about life. They are probably right about that. However, I feel a little sorry for people who can’t see clearly into situations in which they are currently involved.

I see these people and I wonder how I must have been perceived in the past. I did and said many many stupid things. I spoke before I thought most of the time. I never thought about how what I said would affect others or how it would make me look. I don’t think I ever really listened to what others were saying. I was in my own head most of the time and it seems to me that my head was pretty empty. I am a little embarrassed to think about when I was younger and more inexperienced. I like who I am so much more these days. And as these days turn into years ( and oh how fast time passes lately!) I have realized that I am suddenly a grown up. It’s not because of what I do during the day, it’s about how I look at the world and the people who are in it.

Most of the people in my life are smart and genuine and I respect how they live their lives. However, I also know people who live recklessly with their words and don’t realize what their actions are saying about their character. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone says stupid stuff, but I just think that there comes a point in life when it’s time to really look at ourselves and take responsibility for what we do and say.

I am just as guilty as the next person of getting into daily routines and forgetting that I am raising children and it really matters how I handle situations. I have made mistakes in my parenting in the past 7 years that will impact who Addison becomes. I know that I am a good mom and I have done many things right. I just know that when I became a mom I was young and I didn’t realize what a huge responsibility I had been given. I fed her and cleaned her and clothed her. I loved her and kept her away from danger. I know how to do all of those things, and I do them to the best of my ability. It just that as Addison gets older her needs are changing. She still needs help getting the shampoo out of her hair, and she still need me to hold her and love her. But, she is going to need me to teach her how to make the right decisions in her life. I am terrified that I am going to miss something important. What if I forget to teach her something that she needs to know in order to become a kind and reliable person? I am quite sure that as I change and grow my parenting changes. How does that impact Addison and Alivia?

Wow…when I sat down to write it was going to be way more lighthearted I seriously wrote a paragraph about the cute guy from the freecreditreport.com commercial. Then I deleted it and wrote this. Ok I might be a little nuts today. Or everyday…

Filed under Momservations | Comment (1)