July 20th, 2009
This morning my friend Elizabeth called to chat on her way to work. I was working on my first cup of coffee, the Wiggles were blaring annoyingly and I was just gearing my patience up for a day at home with my 21 month old and 8 yr old girls. As soon as I got on the phone it was as if some signal was transmitted to their brains that prompted them to start using their outside voices and running crazy around the house with the dog.
Mass chaos ensued. I tried to avoid yelling in Elizabeth’s ear. We were having a lovely impromptu conversation and I really wanted to proceed uninterrupted. I scolded and threatened.
And then out of desperation I hid in the bathroom. I grabbed my coffee and closed myself in. But they were being so loud that I couldn’t concentrate even while hiding in the loo. UGH I was getting mad at this point. I don’t have enough patience most days. It’s one of my greatest weaknesses.
So I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a wooden spoon and silently threatened the older culprit. She was the instigator. She was obviously in need of attention…and she didn’t care if it was the negative type. That was all it took. I saw the look of understanding in her eyes.
I motioned with the wooden spoon for her to take her little self upstairs. She nodded and climbed the stairs. Behold the power of the wooden spoon!
One day last week she felt the sting of the spoon on her bottom after an episode of incredibly bad behavior. I don’t spank often. I yell. (another weakness) I do time out and I take things away. But those things are losing their effect on Addison. Sometimes she will do something she knows will get her in trouble and accept the time out. Sometimes it appears she thinks it’s worth it.
So that is why I spanked her with a wooden spoon last week. Nothing else was working. I wasn’t mad and I made her go in my room and wait for me. I calmly walked in there and gave her 3 good swats on the bum. She sat up on my bed looked me straight in the face and yelled “I HATE YOU!!!”
OUCH. That one hurt.
I told her to stay in there until I came to get her and not to think about turning on the tv. I closed the door and another “I hate you” was hurled in my direction. That one hit the door and didn’t pierce me as deeply. I called my friend Aimee to talk about it and soothe the mommy guilt that was quickly setting in. She has an 9 year old son and is familiar with this age group and it’s challenges.
Addison needed something to jolt her. She needed a reminder that I am to be respected and obeyed and I am pretty sure the wooden spoon incident made an impact.
After we had both had some time apart I went in to talk to her about the actions that had caused the spanking in the first place. I also explained the definition of the word hate. I don’t think she realized how strong of a word she was using. She asked me if we could start over and apologized to me. We hugged and reassured each other that our love is unconditional.
She is a really good girl. She wants to behave and for the most part she does. Honestly parenting has been hard for me at every stage. I have read countless books and tried many methods. Which may be the root of the problem. She is my first child and earlier in her life I probably wasn’t as consistent as I could have been. But she is loved immeasurably and I know she feels that.
And I know she loves me because she helped me put away towels the next day. And I have a picture to prove it. Oh and I left it like this for days until we put the house on the market.
*I think spanking has it’s place in the world of discipline. And obviously it is a very controversial subject with a lot of parents. I respectfully disagree with people who believe spanking is wrong and somehow damages a child’s self esteem. If you are one of those people feel free to comment at will. But please be nice.
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Oh . Dude. I TOLD YOU WE ARE TWINS. I CARRIED A WOODEN SPOON WITH ME TO COLORADO.
no
effin
joke
lmao
rock on
spoon sistah
d
Yuck…I’m sorry you two are having a bit of a rough patch. I hope she grows out of it!
Spanking - that is a hot button! I believe it depends on the situation and child. When my daughters were little there were times a quick and lasting reminder not to do something again was needed (usually things that were physically dangerous to them). Once they were about 3, I realized spanking didn’t accomplish the needed behaviorial changes. I have had to come up with more creative ways to disipline.
What has really helped around here from the beginning is nipping behaviors when they are little instead of waiting until they are massive issues! Being consistent is a pain in the patootie, but the pay offs are immeasurable!
When all else fails….remember…..This too shall pass.
I can’t believe you use a wooden spoon. The bamboo spoons from Pampered Chef are so. much. better!!! Uuuuhhhhhh, not that I know from personal experience or anything
Good for you for leaving the towels just the way she put them away!!! Some things in my house aren’t as spectacular as they could be because I let my kids do it. And them doing a good enough job is much more important that my perfectionist neurosis.
Oh the guilt - I totally get it. My oldest is 7, going on 17, and I wave the spoon in the air from time to time. She knows what’s coming next when I go for the spoon, but the guilt that follows…yeah, I have it bad and then I doubt my ability as a mom. Oh how I wish it was easier, but you seemed to have handled it well. Better now than later, right?!
~K
BTW - great blog!
Sometimes spanking is what works. My husband has always been so good about sitting the kids down and laying it out nice and neat. You did this. This is the punishment. This is why that punishment. And, so forth. I learned from him the right way. I used to be a yeller, too. OOPS!
Your daughter is very beautiful, btw!! Love her eyes!!
God bless,
Sallie
Each kid needs their own discipline . . . my kids have the same parents and we attempted to parent the same with both of them. But *surprise* they are different people
What works with one does not work with the other. One kid has never been spanked - the other . . . has. One kid has told me she hates me, the other has not. One kid will stare me down and defy with every fiber of her being. The other will silently apologize and move on to more fun things.
You do what you have to do and what you think is right.
You and I need to get together and work on that patience and yelling thing - I too am a yeller and I HATE it . . . but it’s just part of who I am . . . I’ve gotten better as they’ve gotten older, but I still hate it. A little more patience would serve me well in all facets of my life.
[...] common mom:Each kid needs their own disci [...]
[...] common mom:Each kid needs their own disci [...]
Hey Girl! Love your blog!
I didn’t realize you had one til now.
on that note…
I’m pro-spanking. I wouldn’t feel bad.
(Although, I’m still unsure about myself having
kids cause I’d fear I’d be borderline abusive…that’s my own personal issues).
And I know you aren’t and would never be abusive.
So spank when necessary! Consider it negative reinforcement….you wouldn’t touch a hot pan with
your bare hands twice? Why would you do something that caused you to be spanked by a wooden spoon twice?