This is the story of the day my lovely innocent cherub of a child stuck lip gloss up the dog’s butt.
This lip gloss was a staple during my high school years. I had a certain obsession with it. It smells like cake. Delicious wonderful vanilla cake with luscious vanilla frosting. In my lifetime I have probably purchased approximately 50 tubes of this shiny lip enhancer. Sometimes I would use it until the very last drop was gone. And sometimes I would lose a brand new tube the day after I bought it. So for years I would find them everywhere. Under the passenger seat in my car, in an old purse I was giving to Goodwill or the pocket of a jacket I have been keeping around since 1999.
So it didn’t come as much of a shock when a 3 year old Addison came toddling up to me carrying the familiar tube. I thought to myself…”wow I haven’t seen one of those in a while”.
Then she said these words. “Smell it”.
I wish I could say that I didn’t do it. I guess I just couldn’t even fathom the horror of what was about to happen to my nostrils.
But this sweet little face was looking at me and saying “Mommy smell it”.
So I put the tube up to my nose and sniffed.
OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GAG! RETCH! OH NO!
What IN THE SAM HILL WORLD did I just smell?
After I regained consciousness…I asked Addison where exactly she had put that lip gloss tube before she brought it to me to smell it.
Her silence spoke volumes.
After a series of questions I was able to deduce that she had in fact stuck the vanilla frosting lip smackers lip gloss tube up Max’s butt.
I have smelled a lot of gross things in my life. But I have NEVER I repeat NEVER smelled anything as horrible or wretched in my entire existence on this planet!
This incident happened 4 years ago people! I can still remember the horribleness.
Clearly I am suffering from Post Traumatic Olfactory Disorder. I need help.
I don’t think you can fully grasp the seriousness of the situation. Let’s recap.
I SMELLED A LIP GLOSS TUBE THAT WAS INSIDE MY DOG’S BUTT!
Ok. I am ok now. I am calm.
You may have a hard time understanding why I chose to put my nose to the lip gloss, so to speak. Well Addison’s cuteness had a hold of me. Here is a video that will serve 2 purposes. Show you the caliber of cuteness we were dealing with. And to honor Veterans day yesterday and show a little patriotism.
For more pictures and stories that will NEVER make it into a scrapbook visit Kristen’s Fro’ Me to You Thursday’s here.
Jenny Wyatt Gearhart on
November 12, 2008 12:46 pm
So, I always read elizabeths blog and I saw Ashley and thought maybe it was you. So now I read your blog too. 1.the story today made me laugh outloud so thank you 2. I can’t wait to dress my future kids up in UGA gear. so cute!!
Oh, my, WORD!!! One of the funniest things I have ever read. To my knowledge, my kids never did anything like “this”, but it scares me to think what they DID do that I don’t know about.
Ignorance is bliss!
(I stumbled it for ya…the world needs to see this laugh…gonna have to tweet it, too!)
I am sitting at my office desk, shaking with laughter as the tears stream down my face. Addison is an evil genius. I totally want to join her Army of Adorable Darkness.
That is too funny!!! I can’t imagine either of our dogs standing still for that! Of course, we don’t have such a cutie running around; she could probably get people to do just about anything
Despite how the poor dog must have felt. THAT”S THE HARDEST I”VE LOL from any post! And even though it seems weird…I want some of that lip gloss…new of course!
WOW!! That is truly a story to tuck away and bring back to her again and again through the years. How TRULY awful! I too wonder how your dog is… what an incredibly patient dog you have!
Okay, eeewwwwwwww! But I am laughing, but eewww.
Are you sure she stuck it up there, or just retreived it from there? My friends dog once walked by me with a Q-tip coming out whole back there…and this was long before she had kids.
I totally think you are on to something with that post traumatic olfactory disorder - there are a few things I’ll never forget either. Now, I understand you smelled the lip gloss, but that darling little girl touched it!!! eeewwwwww! The whole story is wonderfully disgusting - thanks for sharing!
Whoa. Ick. Wow. Your poor dog. Vanilla dog poop. Vanilla lipgloss colonoscopy. I think I may throw my lipgloss away now. Let’s see what brings google searchers to your site now… Much love and quite a few hugs to you and the whole cute family!
So, I always read elizabeths blog and I saw Ashley and thought maybe it was you. So now I read your blog too. 1.the story today made me laugh outloud so thank you 2. I can’t wait to dress my future kids up in UGA gear. so cute!!
Oh, my, WORD!!! One of the funniest things I have ever read. To my knowledge, my kids never did anything like “this”, but it scares me to think what they DID do that I don’t know about.
Ignorance is bliss!
(I stumbled it for ya…the world needs to see this laugh…gonna have to tweet it, too!)
OH. MY. GOSH. That’s all I have to say. LOL
I am sitting at my office desk, shaking with laughter as the tears stream down my face. Addison is an evil genius. I totally want to join her Army of Adorable Darkness.
Oh.
My.
P.S. She didn’t go on to stick OTHER things in the dog’s butt, did she?
P.P.S. Is this the real reason don’t wear that, uh, scent, any longer?
Oh my, I have heard this story several times and it is just as funny and shocking as it was the first time you told me, LOVE IT!!!
Is it twisted that I’m wondering how the dog is? Cannot be comfortable, even for cake-flavored gloss. So proud this is going to be on The ‘Fro.
Clearly, you had no choice but to smell it. That video is so freakin’ adorable I darn near forgot you smelled dog butt lip gloss.
That is too funny!!! I can’t imagine either of our dogs standing still for that! Of course, we don’t have such a cutie running around; she could probably get people to do just about anything
Thanks for the laugh!
my goodness..poop pup.
But really if she can say all that..how old?
then it ’s ok for her to ..you know..”act out ” even just a tad hilouriously.
Despite how the poor dog must have felt. THAT”S THE HARDEST I”VE LOL from any post! And even though it seems weird…I want some of that lip gloss…new of course!
Oh my gosh!!! I am laughing so hard I am crying!!!! Oh I need to go redo my mascara! Oh I just can’t stop that is so so bad!!!!!
WOW!! That is truly a story to tuck away and bring back to her again and again through the years. How TRULY awful! I too wonder how your dog is… what an incredibly patient dog you have!
I DO NOT LIKE THE WORDS “SMELL IT”… I will usually say NO. I have a fear of smelling something… offensive.
Your story REALLY gives me the eeby jeebies… while making me giggle uncontrollably!
And she is GORGEOUS!
You win this week. You totally win. And really, I’m not laughing AT you. I’m laughing WITH you.
Oh… you’re not laughing, are you? Sorry.
Okay, eeewwwwwwww! But I am laughing, but eewww.
Are you sure she stuck it up there, or just retreived it from there? My friends dog once walked by me with a Q-tip coming out whole back there…and this was long before she had kids.
Just saying…
I totally think you are on to something with that post traumatic olfactory disorder - there are a few things I’ll never forget either. Now, I understand you smelled the lip gloss, but that darling little girl touched it!!! eeewwwwww! The whole story is wonderfully disgusting - thanks for sharing!
Whoa. Ick. Wow. Your poor dog. Vanilla dog poop. Vanilla lipgloss colonoscopy. I think I may throw my lipgloss away now. Let’s see what brings google searchers to your site now… Much love and quite a few hugs to you and the whole cute family!
I’ve never heard stories like this:)))) I think I need to put somewhere my lip gloss where my little Sofia won’t find it because I have a cat:)))
I.am.speechless.
*gag*
[...] Lip gloss in the dog’s butt [...]
I have tears pouring down my face right now from laughing! That is hilarious!! I’m still cracking up just thinking about it….Wow.