Well, my day started pretty well. Tonight hasn’t been so great. Adam had a gig, and after dinner my parents came over to visit us. They live just a few houses down the street so they just walked up to our house with their dog Cooper. When they arrived, I was giving Alivia a bath in the kitchen sink and Addison was getting ready for bed. The mood was cheerful because it had been a few days since we had all seen each other. My dad (Addison calls him G-daddy) took Addison outside so she could play on the swing set. After the baby’s bath my mom (Addie calls her Mimi) and I took Alivia into the living room to watch her crawl and play on the floor.

My dad and Addison came in the back door and my dad had “a look” on his face and he said that we might have an issue. Then he quickly walked straight out the side door. I am pretty much a worry wart and I always have been, so my stomach immediately became uneasy. Do you know that feeling? It’s kind of like you know that something bad has happened. Addison sensed it too and when my dad came back in the house our eyes met and he motioned for me to come out.

He asked me if our cat Macy had a little white spot on her lower belly area. I honestly couldn’t really remember. At that moment I just didn’t know the answer to that question , but I knew that he wasn’t asking me out of curiosity. So I was pretty sure that I was about to see something bad. I know that I have dragged this story out long enough, so yes it was her. Our sweet little Macy kitty had been hit by a car.

My sadness exists on several different levels. I just saw her out lounging on our deck a very short time ago. So I guess it just doesn’t seem real that I also just walked out to our neighbors driveway with my dad to identify her lifeless body. Another thing is that my very sensitive Addison is an absolute animal lover. To say that she loved this cat is the understatement of the year. Even though I wasn’t thrilled , Macy slept with Addie every night. When I would go upstairs to lay out Addison’s clothes, Macy would be curled up next to her, or much to my chagrin, on her pillow. I wasn’t fond of changing pillowcases 3 times a week, but Addie had a bond with this cat. The first thing that entered my head was how could I avoid telling my child this awful thing. Finally, and I think this is the worst part, the reason I even had this sweet kitty is because my childhood best friend was killed in a car accident 6 years ago. Whitney’s mother was gracious enough to give me her daughter’s tiny little kitten. After the funeral, Adam and I went to Whitney’s house to get our new pet. I will never forget how small she was and how she curled up in my lap on the way home. I was so sad about losing Whitney, but I couldn’t help but smile when I looked down at Macy’s little face.

I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I shouldn’t have let her become an inside/outside cat. I should have protected her from harm. It’s silly to think like that though. Our other cat Jack was a stray kitten and we could never keep him inside. Macy just wanted to be outside with Jack. It’s no one’s fault and I am just sad that it happened. Addison handled it all very well, and I am glad I was honest with her. I thought briefly about just telling her that Macy ran away. However, I know Addie and we would have been causing ourselves more grief in the long run by sparing her feelings today. I spoke simply and gently and she cried, but after we talked about our good memories she seemed to be alright. She wanted to call Adam’s mom (Yaya) and his sister April to tell them the bad news.

I am very upset by all that has happened, but I have yet to cry a tear. What is wrong with me? I am too tired to go into all of that, but if anyone has an answer for me I would love to hear it. As long as it doesn’t include the words heartless, cold, or emotionless I would love to hear your theories. Until later…..

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