This is embarrassing for me.

Since Christmas is approaching and I have been cleaning the house so I can get out the decorations a funny story came back to me.  It didn’t happen very long ago. It must have been in January of this year.

Here is the story.

We have this Christmas tree bag.  It is a big rectangle tarp-like bag that holds our artificial tree.  Yes I have a fake tree.  I love real trees, but I don’t have the patience to put on the lights.  Thus I have a big bag with our tree and our wreaths inside.  Soooooo what happened was…

The bag is HUGE I didn’t think I could fit it in the attic, so I dragged ( is that even a word?)  the bag outside into our shed.  Our shed is attached to our carport and it is damp, dark, gross and filled with spiders and cave crickets.  So obviously I avoid the shed unless I really need to go in there.

So I heaved the tree bag with our Christmas tree inside it out in the shed because I…well because I am a control freak and I wanted it out of the dining room floor and I didn’t want to wait for my husband to get home.  There I said it.  I am an impatient control freak.

When I told Adam where I put it  he  told me it wasn’t a good idea to store it out there.  Well that made me a little perturbed.  I dragged the heavy darned thing out there and now he was telling me that we weren’t going to be leaving it out there.  So about a week later I went back out there in the damp dark shed. I hauled the bag inside our house and upstairs into the attic.

When I got it up there I started to hear a sound.  I would describe it as raindrops.  A thousand million raindrops coming from the inside of the Christmas tree bag.  I could see the bag moving in spots and that along with the sounds coming from the bag I panicked.  My heart started pounding and I slammed the attic door closed and RAN downstairs to hide in my room.  I expected hundreds of insects or spiders or baby mice to follow me down the stairs like I was the pied piper or something.  I just KNEW there was something horrifying inside that bag.

So I called my husband at work. I was talking really fast and squeaky because I am a drama queen like that.  Just sayin’

” Hey I brought the Christmas tree bag in the house and I put it in the attic but it’s making a weird sound and I think there is something alive in there because it sounds like it’s raining on the inside of the bag and I am freaking out can you tell I am freaking out? yeah can you come home and fix it?”

This was before he got his current job in the town where we live and he was 32 miles away in Nashville.  So because he is such a good husband he took his lunch break to come rescue his bride from all the “critters” in the Christmas tree bag.   When he arrived he went upstairs into the attic and dragged the bag downstairs and out to our deck.  I made him close the sliding glass door because I didn’t want the “critters” to get me.

When he opened the bag guess what was there?

A Christmas tree…and a wreath.  And gasp!….one dead fly.

Yeah….that was all.  Good thing he doesn’t work at that job anymore because I think the Christmas party this year would be really embarrassing for me.  Because at last year’s party I had just had a baby and 3 glasses of wine made me trip over a chair (I am such a graceful goober). And this year it would have been all about the empty Christmas tree bag that caused Adam to drive 64 miles round trip on his lunch break.  This is what it’s like to be married to me.

Filed under Fro' Me to You Thursday, funny |