When someone is gone forever it is a shock to the system.  Reality is warped.  Surrealism sets in almost immediately.  Then it starts to become normal.  But you feel guilty about that.  At least I do.

I want something tangible to remember.  Something I can see everyday.  A subtle reminder.  Not something that will send me to the floor sobbing.  Just something I can touch with my fingertips and admire.  And it should make me smile….not cry.  Well maybe it should make me cry sometimes.  Because once in a while I want to cry.  It makes me feel alive.    But mostly I just want it to help me remember the good things.  The beautiful things.

Butterflies make me think of freedom.  Freedom from fear and anguish.  Freedom from pain and from the unknown.  Freedom to be carefree and happy.  Blissful even.

And Dogwood trees.  My Aunt Missy loved them.

**”There is a Christian legend of unknown origin that proclaims that the cross used to crucify Jesus was constructed of dogwood^.  As the story goes, during the time of Jesus, the dogwood was larger and stronger than it is today and was the largest tree in the area of Jerusalem. After his crucifixion, Jesus changed the plant to its current form: he shortened it and twisted its branches to assure an end to its use for the construction of crosses. He also transformed its inflorescence into a representation of the crucifixion itself, with the four white bracts cross-shaped, which represent the four corners of the cross, each bearing a rusty indentation as of a nail and the red stamens of the flower, represents Jesus’ crown of thorns, and the clustered red fruit represent his blood.

Even though His body was taken from this earth, His spirit remains and every spring we are blessed with a reminder of the events that occurred on that fateful weekend.

I still want to get a tattoo of a dogwood branch and a butterfly in honor and memory of my beautiful Aunt Missy.  But in the meantime the painting above that a very close family friend painted for me will always bring me joy as well.  I feel so blessed to have it hanging in my home.

It makes me happy…joyful…sad…hopeful…wonderful…and most of all it helps to remember her.

Thank you Delores. Thank you Grandma.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogwood

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