Here is a list of some things people searched for to find my blog.  It makes me want to reevaluate my content.  Nah…I am who I am I guess…saggy boobs and all.

1.  ‘How to make big boobs with pee’

I mean there are no words.  I can NOT think of a single reason that one would search for this.  But alas someone did.  And it landed them here.  Go figure.

2.  ‘Crack Barbie’

This one was on the list twice.  I think it may have something to do with this post.

3.  ‘Poopy adult diaper’

This too was on the list twice.  Once again I am at a loss to figure out why someone would search for this, but hey this is America and not much surprises me these days.

4.  ‘Idiot mom’

Yeah well I have been called worse so it doesn’t really offend that someone searched for this and found me.  Maybe I should change the blog title!

5.  ‘Butt crack’

This one is funny.  I actually have a slight aversion to butt cracks in general.  I don’t want to see it.  Nope not even yours. The only exception is the baby butt crack.  Now that’s just cute.

6.  ‘Sweaty @$$’

Yes I added the symbols to protect innocent eyes.  I don’t recall writing anything about sweaty butts, but something here flagged the internet robots.  This is another thing I am grossed out by.  Butt sweat.  I had a professor in college that had this type of sweating problem.  Ew.

7.  ‘Stupid Monkey’

Bad monkey! You are stupid.  A stupid stupid monkey!

8.  ‘Poop Stains’

well…I have kids, so poop is unavoidable.  Poop stains….yeah sometimes that too. But that is why I am the Samurai Stainfighter.

9.  ‘Whamma lamma ding dongs’

I did have a post with this title, but it was just because I couldn’t think of another one. But someone typed that into a search engine.  Weird.

10.  ‘Pink reebok high tops’

Yeah I wore them.  And I wrote about that and some other fine fashion choices I made in the 80’s. Like stirrup pants.  That was back when I said things like ” Gag me with a credit card and put me on layaway”

11. ‘ Saggy boobs’

I guess it just come with the territory.  I own it.  I am a mommy blogger and I write about breastfeeding, baby poop and saggy boobs.  It is what it is.

Filed under Make a List Monday, Who ARE these people?, blogging | Comments (5)

Friday I was out shopping for a dress to wear to my friend Leslie’s wedding. Addison was with my grandmother, so I only had Alivia with me. She was sleepy and I should’ve known better than to drag her shopping, but I did it anyway. She fell asleep in the car, so when I got her out of the car I just left her in her carrier and snapped it onto the stroller. Normally I would just put her in the front of the shopping cart or let her sit up in the stroller, but I guess I thought she would take a little nap and I would have a peaceful shopping experience. Well, she woke up 5 minutes after we got into the store, and she didn’t like being strapped into her car seat. I tried to make her happy with her toys, but she kept throwing those on the floor and complaining very loudly.

It seems she is bored with her toys lately. I actually gave her my keys so she would be quiet. Yes, I gave her my nasty contaminated keys to put in her mouth. Oh yeah, and when she threw them on the floor I picked them up and gave them back to her. Yeah that’s right, I wanted to finish shopping so I gave those non sterilized, non clorox wiped, not even baby wiped disgusting keys back to my sweet little screaming baby. I will never be the best parent ever now!

So, I went to the dressing room to try on some things and the big dressing room designed for handicapped people and for mom’s with kids was occupied. Was it occupied by a person in a wheelchair or a mom with her kids? NO! I waited outside the door because my stroller would NOT fit inside any of the other dressing rooms. When the door opened, a girl walked out and I gave her the evil eye. I was pretty pissed off. Alot of good it did giving her the evil eye, she didn’t make eye contact. I really wanted to say something to her. I am still not sure why I didn’t. I don’t know if she didn’t look at me because she was oblivious, or if she was feeling guilty. You know the same kind of guilt one would feel if a handicapped person couldn’t park their car because you were in their parking spot. Or the type of guilt you might feel if you park in the pregnant woman parking spot at Wal-Mart and you are a man and I bust you because you are a BIG HAIRY MAN PARKING IN THE PREGNANT WOMAN PARKING SPOT! Just because you look pregnant doesn’t mean you can park there! Just because your wife was once pregnant and you parked in that spot last year DOESN’T mean you can park there! That actually happened to me. And the guy practically ran away from me. I mean hello! I should’ve asked him how far along he was. Ok, I digress (got a little carried away with that one huh?)

But anyway, I finally got into the dressing room and realized I might’ve been just a tad jealous of that girl. I never get to shop alone. I always have to get in and get out because GOD forbid someone get hungry or tired while we are in public. I also wonder what it must be like to go to the grocery store and just buy food for myself for the week. What would my cabinets and refrigerator have in them? I look at what people are buying in the grocery store while I am shopping for 2 weeks of food. My cart is overflowing with ingredients and snacks and meals and EVERYTHING our family will need for 2 entire weeks, and the person next to me might have a box of cereal, a loaf of bread, some pepsi and a magazine. What is that like? I remember standing in the cosmetics aisle for an hour and wandering around walmart with my friends at 1 in the morning. It just seems like it was someone else’s life.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love having people to feed and take care of. I love planning our menu and having food in the fridge. My friend Elizabeth would say that it is just “the grass is greener” mentality at work. I just like to think about what might’ve been. Where would I be? What would I be doing? Would I have straightened myself out and become someone? Or would I have gone in the other direction and become a hollow person? Well, it just proves that God is at work in my life. I do believe that His plan was better than mine ever could have been. It was very convenient that I had no particular plans at the time when he intervened and gave me a child to raise.

I guess I will just accept that it is my destiny for the time being to go shopping with my kids and break a sweat in the checkout line and collapse on the couch due to sheer mommy exhaustion. Remind me tomorrow to talk to my boss about a pay raise….Oh wait

Filed under Momservations, Who ARE these people? | Comments (5)

People are so stupid! Seriously….I hate seeing a kid in a car just climbing around the seats like a little monkey while his idiot mom or bonehead dad drive along in complete ignorance. You don’t have to spend 200 bucks to keep your child safe in the car. Go to Wal-mart and buy a 30 dollar carseat (instead of a carton of cigarettes) and possibly save their life if you get in an accident.

Usually these are the same parents driving around smoking with their kids in the car and they don’t even care about secondhand smoke. We have all seen these types of people somewhere. Sometimes I see them in the grocery store with their little barefoot child and they are yelling “shut up or I’m gonna whoop yer butt”! or “sit yer ass down in that cart or I’m gonna call yer daydee (translation-daddy)” . The problem is that these asinine people are everywhere! I live in the south, so I know they are a little more prevalent, but sometimes I get so infuriated when I see people actually endangering their children.

Filed under Who ARE these people? | Comments (2)