I’ve been paying more attention to the little quiet moments of the day. Does this happen more and more as we go through life? I hope so. I’ve noticed that when the tv is off real life emerges.
And even though I CAN’T sleep without the fan whirring on my bedside table, when it’s turned off there is a feeling of peace in the air.
It makes me wonder what I’m afraid of…what am I trying to drown out? I find a strange comfort in stupid tv shows and mindless chatter. But setting that comfort aside lately has been oddly cathartic and has me longing for more quiet time.
And speaking of quiet time we have had a lot more of that going on here at Casa 007 these past couple weeks. Addison is back at school and so far 4th grade is treating her well.
I think she is trying to find her footing and her teacher told me she thinks Addie is “sweet, kind and shy”. SHY? really? Maybe she’ll come out of her shell as she becomes more comfortable with her classmates. Her teacher also mentioned that Addison “has trouble focusing and staying on task”. Now that one I know ALL about.
I really wish I could get into her head sometimes. She’s a little hard for me to figure out. Which is weird because I fancy myself an amateur psychoanalyst. Even though I may need to visit one myself.
Alivia has been missing her playmate but it has been nice to be able to get some time spent without the competition…and the screaming.
I bought Alivia some Color Wonder paints and she has been creating some wonderful art without making a beautiful mess. She told me that she is a “painter girl” and I honestly think she has a creative soul. She sings songs on pitch, keeps dozens of books in her bed and plays the “pee-NO every chance she gets.
These two girls are such a joy to raise and though they might raise my blood pressure on a daily basis I feel really blessed to be their mom.
Alivia’s creative methods are a little odd but I bet somewhere along the way Van Gogh painted without his pants.
It’s no “Starry Night” but I think she has real talent.
: one who manages a household especially as a wife and mother
“One who manages a household especially as a wife and mother”
It sounds so simple. One little sentence that is a very accurate assessment of what a homemaker does. We manage our households.
Sure it’s about menu planning and grocery shopping and the basic stuff like cooking, cleaning the house and taking care of the kids. It is about getting my hands dirty and making sure everyone is fed, bathed and clothed.
But it is also about a feeling I am trying to create. I think it’s a feeling I had as a child.
It’s a feeling of comfort and contentment and a coziness that is hard to describe. It’s pancakes on Saturday morning and piling in mom and dad’s bed on Sunday morning. It’s decorating for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and all the holidays throughout the year.
It’s about reading the same book 11 times in a row, making blanket forts and drinking sixty cups of delicious imaginary tea.
I really think about how I want my girls to remember their childhood home. I am sure they will remember me telling them to clean up their rooms or to stop screaming RIGHT THIS MINUTE before I PULL THIS VAN OVER! But mostly I hope they remember that their home was warm and fun and sometimes really LOUD but they always felt loved there.
Because if home is nothing else at all it’s a place where you should always feel loved. And pancakes… there should definitely be pancakes.
This post is a part of a blog carnival hosted by my lovely friend Elizabeth. The idea was to write about home. You should click hereand go read some of the other posts.
These are the days I know will fly by like the landscape passing by a speeding minivan. I am making many mistakes. I raise my voice too often, I am too quick to get irritated, I say no more than yes and I am often filled with mommy guilt at the end of the day.
But then we have moments when it all feels right.
Moments when my heart feels so full it might burst out of my chest.
Moments when no one is snatching a toy out of someone’s hands and no one is screaming because their world is coming to an end.
Well maybe the no screaming thing was taking it a little far. Let’s be real. Someone.is.always. screaming.
I guess that just comes with the territory.
And we do have peaceful moments occasionally.
A very special thank you to Elmo, Barney, Nemo and naptime for all the quiet moments.
This morning my friend Elizabeth called to chat on her way to work. I was working on my first cup of coffee, the Wiggles were blaring annoyingly and I was just gearing my patience up for a day at home with my 21 month old and 8 yr old girls. As soon as I got on the phone it was as if some signal was transmitted to their brains that prompted them to start using their outside voices and running crazy around the house with the dog.
Mass chaos ensued. I tried to avoid yelling in Elizabeth’s ear. We were having a lovely impromptu conversation and I really wanted to proceed uninterrupted. I scolded and threatened.
And then out of desperation I hid in the bathroom. I grabbed my coffee and closed myself in. But they were being so loud that I couldn’t concentrate even while hiding in the loo. UGH I was getting mad at this point. I don’t have enough patience most days. It’s one of my greatest weaknesses.
So I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a wooden spoon and silently threatened the older culprit. She was the instigator. She was obviously in need of attention…and she didn’t care if it was the negative type. That was all it took. I saw the look of understanding in her eyes.
I motioned with the wooden spoon for her to take her little self upstairs. She nodded and climbed the stairs. Behold the power of the wooden spoon!
One day last week she felt the sting of the spoon on her bottom after an episode of incredibly bad behavior. I don’t spank often. I yell. (another weakness) I do time out and I take things away. But those things are losing their effect on Addison. Sometimes she will do something she knows will get her in trouble and accept the time out. Sometimes it appears she thinks it’s worth it.
So that is why I spanked her with a wooden spoon last week. Nothing else was working. I wasn’t mad and I made her go in my room and wait for me. I calmly walked in there and gave her 3 good swats on the bum. She sat up on my bed looked me straight in the face and yelled “I HATE YOU!!!”
OUCH. That one hurt.
I told her to stay in there until I came to get her and not to think about turning on the tv. I closed the door and another “I hate you” was hurled in my direction. That one hit the door and didn’t pierce me as deeply. I called my friend Aimee to talk about it and soothe the mommy guilt that was quickly setting in. She has an 9 year old son and is familiar with this age group and it’s challenges.
Addison needed something to jolt her. She needed a reminder that I am to be respected and obeyed and I am pretty sure the wooden spoon incident made an impact.
After we had both had some time apart I went in to talk to her about the actions that had caused the spanking in the first place. I also explained the definition of the word hate. I don’t think she realized how strong of a word she was using. She asked me if we could start over and apologized to me. We hugged and reassured each other that our love is unconditional.
She is a really good girl. She wants to behave and for the most part she does. Honestly parenting has been hard for me at every stage. I have read countless books and tried many methods. Which may be the root of the problem. She is my first child and earlier in her life I probably wasn’t as consistent as I could have been. But she is loved immeasurably and I know she feels that.
And I know she loves me because she helped me put away towels the next day. And I have a picture to prove it. Oh and I left it like this for days until we put the house on the market.
*I think spanking has it’s place in the world of discipline. And obviously it is a very controversial subject with a lot of parents. I respectfully disagree with people who believe spanking is wrong and somehow damages a child’s self esteem. If you are one of those people feel free to comment at will. But please be nice.
Today is our beautiful Addison’s birthday. We have an 8 year old!
It just seems like 5 minutes ago that she looked like this
And then she looked like this…
she keeps growing…
growing…
and growing…
I know it’s a cliche but I honestly can’t believe how fast the years have passed. Adam and I started out as parents at such a young age. We have practically become grown ups while trying to learn how to be parents. I think we are doing a pretty good job. We are raising an amazing and dynamic girl.
She doesn’t like us to call her a little girl anymore. She wants to be older than she is but she doesn’t realize how short her childhood will be. I want her to stay as young and innocent as possible.
She surprises me all the time. She knows more than I think she knows. She is beginning to understand things better when I explain them to her.
Adam and I read Bible stories to her at bedtime. One particular night Adam was out of town so she wanted to read to me. She blew me away. She read smoothly and added dramatic inflection at all the right parts.
She is goofy and silly and she loves to sing.
Addison is a genuinely caring person. She loves animals so much she sees them as our equals.
Addison was an only child and grandchild for 6 1/2 years. When Alivia was born I worried she would be jealous. Although Addie still requires a lot of attention she has been an awesome big sister. She tells me how much she loves Alivia all the time. I can’t even tell you how full that makes my heart feel.
Addison has a heart for the Lord and I pray as she grows her faith will grow along with her.
Her favorite bible verse :
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
Addie is a good Samaritan. At 8 yrs old her spirit is sweet, her heart is kind and she has her whole life ahead of her. I can only imagine who she will become. Until then…she is ours to love and ours to guide. I thank God for blessing us with her life. It has changed us forever and for the better.
Happy Birthday Addison Makenze. Mommy and Daddy love you!
I have talked a lot about how I got pregnant with our oldest daughter when Adam and I hadn’t been dating very long and how that has affected the dynamics of our relationship over the past 8 years. I am not even close to being finished telling that story and I am planning on writing Part 6 of The Truth Is series very soon. If you haven’t read it and you are interested then you should go catch up.
It’s ok I will wait. No really go ahead….I will totally be here when you get back.
So yeah we were very young and scared and we were having a baby. Toward the end of my pregnancy my blood pressure started to rise and my doctor advised me to stop working. I was swelling and he was concerned that I might be heading into preeclampsia. About 2 weeks from my due date which was May 11th, 2001 we went in for our prenatal appointment. I was so ready to have our baby even though I had no idea what to expect.
People tell you things that you should listen closer to and you hear them, but you just can’t know how you will feel until you experience it. That day at the doctor’s office my blood pressure was dangerously high and I was so swollen that I didn’t recognize myself. So my Dr sent us home to get our stuff and told us to get to the hospital for an induction.
I won’t go into the whole birth story, but to make a long story short I was in labor for what seemed like 12 yrs and everyone thought I would NEVER dilate. But I finally did and the epidural worked so well that you could have sawed off my foot and I wouldn’t have felt it. I was so numb that the Dr had to put this suction cup thing on Addison’s head and help me get her out. It was traumatic to say the least. But finally she was here.
I had been watching TLC’s A Baby Story for weeks so I knew this was the part where the baby was supposed to cry. But she didn’t make a sound. She was limp and sort of a purplish color and I knew something was wrong. Adam’s mom immediately dropped to her knees and started praying and I was just in shock. A whole team of people came in and they were rubbing her and suctioning her. She started to wiggle around and she was trying really hard to cry. She was making these little sounds and her chest was filling up and collapsing and you could tell she was struggling to breathe.
After about 15 or 20 minutes they let me hold her for like 30 seconds. Then they whisked her away to the NICU. A few minutes later a woman came in to talk to me about Addison’s health. She was a pediatrician and she was very direct. She told me my baby was very sick but they weren’t sure what was wrong. She said she was pretty sure Addison had inhaled fluid and it had gone into her lungs. She said it could be pneumonia and that they were giving her oxygen and medicine. I asked her if she was ok and she told me simply and honestly “no”.
I remember being shocked. It was one of those moments that doesn’t feel real and you are sort of outside of yourself. The hospital where she was born has an excellent NICU and she was in really good hands. There were babies in there who were much sicker than Addison and although it was a serious situation for us I couldn’t help but feeling slightly thankful. I prayed very hard for our baby but I also prayed for the health of all of the other babies.
Looking back at the pictures I realize how rough she looked. I only remember thinking that she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I don’t think I will ever forget the smell of the soap that you had to wash your hands with before you could come in or the sound of all of those machines beeping.
We were young and totally unprepared, but I think the experience brought us all closer as a family. Addison coming into our lives made such a positive impact on us and changed our future forever. She made a full recovery from her traumatic beginning and after 6 days in the hospital we took her home.
And literally 5 minutes after we got home with her from the hospital she gave me another kind of shock…..
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry….so I did both.
It was just her little way of saying welcome to motherhood.
That is what my problem is. That is why I haven’t been here for 7 days. I have opened my blog and pushed the ‘write’ button 15 times. I have listened to music and stared at the screen. I have twittered and facebooked and read some blogs. But every time I came to write I ended up sitting here so long my fingers turned into ice and my butt felt like it was part of this ugly green corduroy chair. And then the baby would wake up and my opportunity had passed.
I have been whining and complaining about how messy our house is. I have talked a lot about getting rid of everything and starting from scratch. I have this mental image of pulling a dumpster up the the side of the house and throwing stuff into it. I am not one to hold on to junk for posterity. I regularly take van loads of toys and clothes and all sorts of stuff to the goodwill or the consignment shop. But yet we still have too. much. freakin crap.
Clutter. I despise it. It affects me on so many levels. It puts me in a bad mood. It overwhelms me to the point that I don’t know where to start to fix the problem. The clutter is real and tangible and I can see it and touch it. But it affects me physically and mentally. I don’t have the amount of energy it will take to get the house to where I want it to be.
I have excuses for that too. NEVER ending dishes, meal planning and laundry. Adam and I stay up until almost midnight every night and get up around 6:30. I have stopped exercising. Alivia is constantly moving and when she naps I get on the computer and try to write. Aaaand I am holding onto some emotional stuff that I am not sure will ever go away. So needless to say I sometimes feel like I want to run away.
But I have so many blessings here. I would come right back if I ran away.
I love them….the people here in my house.
Adam is an awesome husband and a loving daddy.
Addison has an amazingly intense personality and is one of the smartest funniest kids I know.
And that Alivia…she is happy and sassy and goofy and adorable.
So what are my options here?
I figured that out too. Get over myself and get out the trash bags. Suck it up and do my job. Yeah…I can do that. Because they deserve a mom who is not crazy, a house that is not a mess and a dinner that is not pizza.
For this week’s Fro me to you I just wanted to take this opportunity to recap some pictures from the past few months. We are NOT the people you love to hate because of our perfection. We are just hanging in there every day trying not to run from the house screaming. Most of the time we just have to laugh and go with the flow. So here you go…a little taste of the madness:
Remember our stupid kitten? He is still driving us crazy daily. He is still free to a good home
A collaborative effort. The dog and the cat were in on this one. Gah!
Remind me again why we have animals.
Oh that's right. I am insane.
Some days I can't catch a break
This keeps me up at night
My laundry room at it's worst. I should be more embarrassed.
I am not lazy I swear.
10 granola bar wrappers from under the couch cushion. Where else would they be?
1. Addison wanted to know how to spell Hottie the other day
2. She actually said to me after school last week “Are you with me mom?….I said Austin put his arm around me in the hallway!” Um yeah she is 7! 2nd grade is a little early for boys to be macking right?…whatever happened to the I hate girls/boys phase?
3. Did I mention that Addison wanted to know how to spell Hottie the other day?
4. I have seen every.single.episode of Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly place, and if I have to listen to the High School Musical soundtrack one more time I am going to gouge my eyes out!
5. When the phone rings it is usually one of the little girls from her class wanting to trade Webkinz passwords or talk about the 2nd grade “hotties”
(P.S. I have a story to tell about one of those phone calls)
6. Addison asked me why her friend Caitlin wears a bra and I saw her eying the tiny little bras at Target the other day. Um let me just say hell to the no! She still wears days of the week and Curious George panties..I am thinking a bra is like light years into our future….right?
7. She is going to be asking me for a thong soon.
8. I have to figure out a way to keep my girls away from ALL the penises.
9. How does my child even know what the word Hottie means? I guess the Disney channel just isn’t what it used to be.
10. 7 year old girls seem to have PMS when they haven’t even hit puberty yet
This is an area on your website where you can add text. This will serve as an informative location on your website, where you can talk about your site.
