This post is Part Five of a true story. A story about Adam and I getting pregnant before marriage and how it has made our life together complicated, painful, wonderful and FULL of surprises. A story of how love can grow in even the most unlikely situations. If you haven’t already, you can read Part One here, Part Two here ,Part Three here, and Part Four here.

So there we were…Engaged and Underage.  Well not both of us, I was 20 and Adam was 21.  We were the parents of a toddler and we were about to get married.

And let me just say….I needed some bangs yo!  My forehead is just not meant to be bared!  Especially with what was going on with my eyebrows.

So we were showered with all of the things that we would need to set up a household.  It was so exciting to pick out a china pattern and flatware.  Here are my actual choices.  I still love the patterns 6 years later.  I hope I still love them for 24 more because from my observations people tend to hold onto these things for like 30 years.

Just a little tidbit…before my engagement I didn’t even know what flatware was.  Silverware is silverware is silverware.  Utensils.  Forks and spoons.  Knives even.  But Betty at the Macy’s Bridal department opened my eyes to a whole new world of tableware and kitchen appliances.

I think I was more excited about playing house than I was about the actual wedding.  I know how crazy that must sound but I was an unwed mother and I felt the need to be legitimized.  Of course I loved Adam and I wanted to marry him, but I don’t think I really knew what it meant to be a wife.  I can’t speak for Adam but I think, although he loved me too, he may have felt a little obligated to marry me.  So at the time of our wedding I think we both were just young and ill equipped to fully grasp what we were about to embark upon.

Our wedding was a happy day and we went to Destin on our Honeymoon and Addison went to stay with Adam’s parent’s while we were gone.  It was so hard to say goodbye to our baby, but it was the first time that Adam and I had ever been able to get away by ourselves.

And we had so much fun!  Our honeymoon was WAY too short and 2 days after we came back Adam started a new job ( in addition to playing gigs and delivering pizza at night) and I went back to college.

We jumped right back into real life and everything that comes with it.  We moved out of my parents house and we rented my Aunt Missy’s house while she was living in Texas.

And life was not easy.  Adam worked VERY hard so that I could stay home with Addie on the days I didn’t have classes.  I was a full time student and I was trying to figure out how to be a wife , mother and homemaker.  It was way harder than I thought it would be. Honestly, I wasn’t very good at balancing my responsibilities AT ALL.

I am sitting here trying to think of something funny, but our first year of marriage was less honeymoon and more hard work.  I would be lying if I said it was anything other than that.  I temporarily forgot that God was in control and that all I needed to do was seek Him and I would find peace in that.

I was totally focused on Addison and my schoolwork and so many other things were neglected.  One of those things was the housework.  Laundry was always piled up and the house was usually a cluttered mess.  I wasn’t a very good cook and one night I screwed up beef stroganoff so bad….well let’s just say that my cinnamon and my black pepper were in identical jars and no amount of rinsing or ketchup could help the situation.

One other minor detail I tended to push by the wayside was….my husband.  I was exhausted, anxious and overwhelmed and ,to be completely candid, I wasn’t a very good christian wife at all.  I think I might  stop there for now.   I will tell you all about the stupid mistakes I made and how much I SUCKED at being a wife in Part 6.  Yay!  I know you are all on pins and needles.

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I guess this will be my Fro’ Me to You Thursday post for this week. I had another one planned, but I will save it for next week.

This post is Part Two of a true story. A story about Adam and I getting pregnant before marriage and how it has made our life together complicated, painful, wonderful and FULL of surprises. A story of how love can grow in even the most unlikely situations. If you haven’t already, you can read Part One here.

The picture is of Adam and I when I was around 6 months pregnant with Addison.

After the initial shock wore off, we started the process of assessing the situation. As I said in Part One Adam was (very understandably) having a hard time grasping the reality of becoming a father at the age of 20.

He was a very busy guy. He was in college to become a professional musician. He was busy studying, practicing and playing gigs too. He had his priorities straight and he was in the middle of achieving his life goals. He was making it happen, so to speak. So it pretty much goes without saying that his world was turned upside down by this unexpected development. He didn’t tell a single soul about it for 2 entire weeks. A few times I walked in to his apartment and he was on the couch…in the pitch dark…awake. Bless his heart….he was a mess ya’ll.

Another problem that we faced was, although we liked each other and we had a lot of fun together (obviously a little too much fun), Adam and I hardly knew each other (our REAL selves anyway). We had literally only been dating a few months. We started spending time together in May of 2000 and we found out Addison was WELL on her way in October (I was approximately 11 weeks along). So that means I got pregnant back in August and I was just too busy being stupid to even notice.

I think after two weeks of panic, Adam finally realized that this was happening, and he called his parents (whom I had only met once). Side note: Adam grew up in the Atlanta area and his parents still live there. He moved to Tennessee (I have lived here all my life) to finish college and that is how we met. The night he told his parents I was at his apartment and I sat out in the living room with his roommate while he went back to his room to make the dreaded phone call. He was back there FOREVER. I thought he would never come out. When he finally did it was to tell me that his mom wanted to talk to me.

I don’t know what I was expecting her to say. Maybe I thought she would call me a hussy and tell me I ruined her only son’s life by getting knocked up. Maybe I thought she would demand that I put the baby up for adoption because we were in no position to raise a child.

Well, she didn’t say any of that. She was incredibly sweet and kind and emotional. She told me that she loved me and that she knew I was meant to be a part of their family. She spoke of God’s plan and that made me feel better immediately. She and Adam’s dad decided to come up to Tennessee the next day to meet my parents and to provide some much needed moral support to their young son and his pregnant girlfriend.

Now that I am a mother I can more clearly understand how our parents must have felt. I think Adam and I both felt like we had failed our parents. I suddenly realized that my parents had been right months before when they told me that my life needed direction. Looking back, I didn’t ever really take my parents very seriously until I was about to become a parent myself. Wow…that was a hard lesson to learn.

This story is turning out to be pretty long and involved so I think it’s going to have several more installments. In Part 3 I will tell you what happened when our families came together to discuss what was happening and how being pregnant began to change my heart.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for letting me share.

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You are asleep on the couch across the room. I look at you and I see Janie and Clinton’s son, April’s brother and Grandma Bond’s only grandson. But you are also the father of my children and the man I have chosen to love for all the days of my life…for better and for worse. We have been through a lot in the last 8 years. I have never written about how you and I came to be.

You were just a guy I met through a friend of a friend. A guy who liked Ally McBeal and X-Files. A guy who played jazz, and watched the news and drank coffee every morning. We had a connection, and we started spending time together. We started dating in May of 2000. I thought you were cute and sarcastic and you were a total mystery to me. I tried to pretend I didn’t care how you felt about me. I tried to be the “cool” girlfriend and you told me it was sexy that I could drive a 5 speed.

You were so mysterious and independent. You made me want to be a grown up. Little did I know huh? When I found out I was pregnant it seemed like time stood still. The first 2 weeks were the hardest, but after that it felt like things were going to be ok. 8 years, and another baby, later, I love you more than I did on our wedding day almost 6 years ago. Things have always been up and down. We chose a hard road. Well, we didn’t actually choose it, but we made decisions that made our life journey more difficult.

The thing is…to say it simply…I love you. I want to be with you every day. We may not have all of the answers, but there is something really good at the core that keeps us together. You are a good man…a loving father. You are my family and I can’t imagine my life without you. Hey Adam…how about we spend the rest of our lives proving everybody wrong? Love 3 Me

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