This is where I want to be. right .now.

I am all caught up in my own head lately.  I have been trying to talk myself out of being in this perpetual bad mood.

I cleaned the entire house and washed every stitch of laundry.  And that helped for about as long as it lasted with the dog and kids plotting against me.

The weather has been nice and that helped too.  But then it rained yesterday….all day long.  I want to blame someone else.  I want to dodge responsibility.  But it’s me.  And no one can help me but me.

The bottom line is I am unhappy with myself right now.  I have a plan on how to fix it but digging out of the hole I am in is harder than I thought.  Especially since I have been the one throwing the dirt in on top of myself.

Don’t get me wrong I haven’t been staying in bed all day or moping around.   I have good moments and I am taking care of my family. I even showered on Monday.

Kidding kidding…I have bathed every single day.

I think the weight and responsibility of life just become overwhelming sometimes.  Does anyone else feel like you could use a vacation?  It’s been too long since my toes were in the sand.  What I wouldn’t give to have a week alone with Adam, plentiful sunshine, beach chairs and frozen margaritas.  I would miss my kids but we would comeback refreshed and sporting a reddish brown freckly glow.

Ahhh bask in the fantasy….bask in it.    Ok stop basking…this is my fantasy! Hey stop looking at Adam’s butt!  You too Grandma!

By the way if you left me a comment or emailed me and I haven’t responded I am really sorry….I am WAY behind in my inbox!

I will get out of this funk eventually.  In the meantime I am getting back to my beach fantasy.  Can’t you just hear Jimmy Buffett in the background?

I haven’t had much to say this week.  Actually that’s not really true.   I have quite a lot in my head it’s just a little less than coherent.  I am in a place where I am feeling irritable and busy and tired and hot and cold and hungry and fat and basically I am just a JOY to be around right now.   About once a month I enter into some alternate reality where my emotional instability makes no sense to anyone and least of all myself.  If I try to explain how I am feeling it just makes me sound crazy.

Yes yes I am crazy.  Soooo what do we do when we are feeling crazy?  We write a list of random stuff so our brain can feel better.

Oh and when I say we I mean you and me not me and me.  I am not THAT crazy.  Yet.

1. I am still expecting my monthly nemesis any day…no really?  shocking isn’t it?
2. I feel really FAT…and I am going to an outdoor wedding this weekend….nothing to wear with pale white skin…yay.
3. I went to the ENT and had some horrifying stuff sprayed up my nose in order to numb my throat.  THEN the Dr. stuck this long skinny thing with a light in my nose and down into my throat. It was a lovely experience.
4. Alivia screamed almost the entire time and clung to me through the whole procedure
5. I don’t know which one of us was more traumatized
6. Did I mention I am having intense PMS?
7. Max ate an entire package of Pita bread …including some of the plastic
8. I really wanted to make hummus and eat it with warm Pita bread for lunch but instead I spent 2.65 cents for Max to have a snack.  BAH!
9. I could really use some chocolate  but I don’t need it because see #2
10. There is no number 10 but since we are here what do you do when you are feeling overwhelmed and crazy?  Any and all ideas would be appreciated.

I lost my best friend last year.

She didn’t die and she didn’t move away but in June it will be a year since we have spoken.  In a way I feel a grief similar to when someone dies but obviously I know she is alive and well so it’s not exactly the same.

I haven’t talked about it at all on my blog because I didn’t want to cross certain lines but I think I can talk about my feelings without hurting anyone involved.  That is my hope anyway.

My anger has faded and while I used to think I would be hurt and mad forever I find myself just now actually grieving the relationship.  It’s weird to have these feelings now 9 months after the fact.

She was truly like a sister to me and we had been friends since sophomore year in high school.  We were both there for each other when our children were born, we talked several times a day and we knew pretty much everything about each other.  I probably could have told you what she ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner any day of the week.

We were a part of a group of six girls from high school and I always thought it was so special that we had all managed to stay close over the last 10 years since we graduated.  We were still there for each other and we still made time for our friendships even though we all had such different lives.  It’s so beautiful to be able to pick up right where you leave off every time.  We had all grown and changed and we weren’t the same people anymore but our differences never seemed to affect the love we had for each other.

We have this history that no one else but the six of us really understands.  And now it is changed forever.  Our other 4 friends didn’t ask to be involved in our problem but they were unavoidably affected by it’s outcome.

We are all adults and there hasn’t been any crazy stupid drama happening but the reality is that everything is different now.  It’s not a repairable problem.  Forgiveness has long since happened because I am not a grudge holder.  But we can never be friends again and it sucks.  I hate it.  I miss how hilarious she is.  I miss her awesome children and I am so sad that I have to watch her kids grow up by reading her blog.

(I still read her blog is that weird ya’ll?  I just have this need to know that they are all doing ok.  That life is moving right along and they are happy. )

So yeah there it is.  I miss my ex best friend and she just lives like 5 miles across town.

Can you tell my monthly nemesis is getting close to visiting me?  I always get a little sappy and pathetic around this time of the month.

This mail just arrived within the last few days.

I told you so!

I told ya’ll they think I am old. ( btw…has anyone figured out who “they’ are?

This is me with my kids….they are NOT my

grandchildren!  AHHHHHHHHHH!

Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of a kite on a windy day?  The things I do in the name of blogging!

She looks like she is having fun right?

After I took this picture she handed me the kite and didn’t touch it again.

Apparently she has inherited my mom’s irrational fear of flying a kite.  Sorry to out you mom but it is too funny and I have a blog.  Gotta keep it fresh!

Alivia had fun running around even though I didn’t let her hold the kite.  I mean it might carry her off to the next town or something.

It’s hard to get good pictures of her because she is constantly in motion.

She did think the basketball made a good place to sit so I took advantage of the seconds of stillness.

Addison stole her idea and shrieking soon followed. Then a few moments of sisterly love happened.

I love these girls!

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We just updated our bathroom. Woot Woot!

We only have one bathroom and I was always embarrassed to let people go in there.  It wasn’t the ugliest bathroom in the world but I pretty much hated everything about it. I could go on and on about all the things that I disliked but I know the pictures are what you really want to see.  So here are the before pics:

I am pretty sure this light was here  in 1962 when the house was built.  Bleck

These pictures were taken after we had already started working on it.  We had thrown away the shower curtain and taken down the decorations.  Then we got the bright idea to take before and after photos.  Yeah because we are quick like that.  Note the hairdryer cord on the floor.  It always looked like that.

This is after Adam took the sink out.  Um Ew!

Ok now let’s see it after!  Are you excited? Yay!

I think I am most excited about the new floor.  We couldn’t put tile in there because you have to step up to get in the bathroom and it just wasn’t going to work.  But I think we picked a really good vinyl and I am very happy with the way it turned out.  The old floor never looked clean and it showed up every little thing.

Do you like the new light fixture?  We have a lot of these types of lights around the house. We think they look like boobs.  Come on you know they do.

We also didn’t have any under sink storage and even though this vanity cabinet is not very deep I am just happy to have a place to put my hairdryer.

It’s always fun to get a new shower curtain!  I found this one at TJ Maxx for $12.99 and the hooks for $4.00!  I looked at Target and all the shower curtains I liked there were like 40 bucks.  No thank you.  Target did have the new rod and liner for $10 each.  That I can handle.

I am so happy to have an updated space that actually feels clean after I clean it!  I would like to get a fresh coat of paint on the quarter round but for now I am loving the new space.

Now I need your opinion.  This iron thingy is hanging in my living room above a doorway.  I have another one exactly like it.

Do you think it would look good above the mirror in the bathroom?

Ehh? What’s that you say?

Sorry apparently I am having a hard time hearing

you.  Hold on a minute I need to stir my Metamucil

into my prune juice. I will be right with you after I

change my Depends

because oops I just crapped my pants!

Ok now we can sit a spell and visit.

Now….let’s get right to it.

Which one of you did it?

Who sent my name into whomever it is that decides that you are an official old person.  Is there some sort of agency that has a list of people who watch FoxNews and Bill O’Reilly?

I am only 28 people!

Can someone please explain to me why I keep getting AARP notices in the mail at least once a week?  And what is up with the hearing aid advertisements? Yesterday I got an offer in the mail for some sort of program to help with my funeral expenses.

MY FUNERAL EXPENSES!!!!

I have also gotten several coupons for free lunch and learn seminars at local restaurants.  Here you go Mrs. Bond have a free lunch.  All you have to do is come and listen to why our hearing aid is the best out there!  We will even give you a free hearing test at our auditory clinic.

What would happen if I actually showed up to one of these lunch and learn things?

I can just imagine myself strolling into the restaurant carrying Alivia in the sling.

“Oh hi ya’ll I am here for my free lunch and to learn all about your awesome hearing aids.  YES I am really 75 years old.  This is just my granddaughter.  Yeah I just have a really good plastic surgeon.  I SAID I HAVE A REALLY GOOD PLASTIC SURGEON!”

BAH!

We had about 4 inches of snow a few days ago.

Addison was at my mom’s house so I took Alivia outside and she hated every minute of it.

By the time I took her inside she was losing her mind.

So I  got her settled on the couch with a warm blanket,  her loveys and a video.

MUCH happier

I took Max outside because I wanted to snap a few pictures.

Max was ecstatic!

He ran and ran!

He is the funniest dog ever!  He is big, hairy, dopey, smelly, he brings all kinds of debris in on his fur AND after he gets a drink he drips water all over the floor and your leg.  Not to mention THEN you step in the water drips while wearing socks.

BUT

He has the sweetest brown eyes EVER!

He just lies there looking all calendar cute …

And then he pees in the pristine white snow

Thanks Max

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When I was younger I never really thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I talked A LOT.  I didn’t listen well and although I was a smart girl, common sense was not one of my strong points.

I hear people say things like ” I have no regrets because everything I have done in my life made me who I am today”

I  can understand that perspective but I see things a little differently.  I do have regrets.  Like a about a crap TON of them.

I want to believe that everything happens for a reason, even as cliche as it sounds.  I just get confused when I really start unpacking that idea in my head.

I believe in God’s plan wholeheartedly but God also gave us free will to make the wrong decisions.  And we mess up.  We make the wrong choices.  Some of us make more mistakes than others but we all screw something up eventually. And it does make an impact on who we become.

So should we regret those things?  Or should we just think of our mistakes as the paving stones that make up the road of life?

I don’t know the answer.  Do you?

I consider myself a decent cook.  However, when I first got married I was slightly challenged in my culinary efforts.  One night I tried to make my mother in law’s special beef  stroganoff  and accidentally used cinnamon instead of pepper.  No amount of rinsing or ketchup could help the situation.  In my defense the containers looked almost identical and I had a toddler under my feet.  Yeah I’m pretty sure we ordered a pizza that night.  Mr.007 and I still laugh about it.

These days I am by no means a chef or even close but I plan our weekly menus and we have a tasty and healthy meal on the table most nights.  I am always looking to find new recipes to try because we get bored with eating the same stuff.  But there are a few recipes I keep on the rotation more often than others.

Chicken Pot Pie is a meal we rarely get tired of eating.  It is my Grandma’s recipe and it is comfort food plain and simple.  It’s especially good during the fall and winter when you want something warm and filling.  We usually add a salad and some fruit too.

Ingredients:

1 box Pillsbury Pie Crust ( I have tried the off brand but it’s just not as good.  That little dough boy knows what he’s doing!)

2 cans cream of chicken soup ( I have also used cream of  potato)

2-3 chicken breasts cooked and cut up ( You can use left over chicken, canned or rotisserie)

1 large can Veg-All drained

Put one crust in the bottom of pan and prick with a fork ( I use a 2 qt round glass Pyrex pan)

In a large bowl mix soup, chicken and Veg-All together- add salt and pepper or other spices to taste ( I like white pepper and garlic)

Pour into pie crust.  Place second pie crust on top.  Seal and prick with fork

Bake at 375 for 45 minutes or until nicely browned and bubbly

Here is the actual recipe card my Grandma gave to me at my bridal shower.  My favorite part is where she reminds me not to forget the love.