This story involves a beautiful wedding.  And cows mooing.  And farting.

And lots and lots of inappropriate laughing.

Have you ever been at a wedding or a funeral or even at church and you just get tickled?  It starts with a giggle and then before you know it your shoulders are shaking and tears are running down your cheeks.  And you know that it is entirely inappropriate to be laughing so you try to contain it.  But the urge to laugh just won’t go away.

Well…if you can relate to that feeling keep reading.

A few years ago Adam, myself and Addison( then about 3yrs old I think)  along with Adam’s parents and sister April traveled to North Carolina.  Emily who is a very close family friend was getting married so we went to Asheville for a few days.  Claxton Farm is where the wedding was held.  It is such a beautiful setting and what made it even more unique was that there are cows, miniature horses, llamas, goats and camels.  Emily and Will are veterinarians, so the animals being there was a really cool addition to already wonderful surroundings.

When it came time for the ceremony people stopped talking and the atmosphere became serene.  While the vows were being said you could hear cows mooing and that was pretty funny all by itself.  Everyone in attendance laughed when a cow interrupted the ceremony and then it just became part of the experience.

But then we heard a sound that no one should ever hear during the most important romantic moment of a couple’s life.

A fart.

And it wasn’t just a small hardly audible poot.

It was a man fart.

A fart so loud it reciprocated off of the folding chair and echoed in the ears of the back four rows of the bride’s side.  The strange thing was that we couldn’t tell from which direction it had originated.  And as soon as it happened people started exchanging glances and snickering.

Now remember internets….the vows were being said during this moment.  So we HAD to hold it in.  We couldn’t screech with the laughter that wanted so badly to escape from our bodies.  We couldn’t chuckle aloud and say ” good one” to whoever it was that let the air biscuit.  We couldn’t ask our neighbor if they had been the one to cut the cheese.  We had to pretend it didn’t happen and try to focus on the marriage that was taking place at the exact moment that the North Carolina barking spider chose to well….bark.

And you could see that the aftermath of the bean bomber was spreading among the immediate area.  There were two young guys sitting in front of us with their parents.  We watched as they quietly tried to ask each other if the other was responsible for the crack rattler.

By this time we are all in hysterics.  Just when you thought you had yourself under control you would see  the person in front you start to lose it.  Their shoulders would start to shake and you would hear a choking sound because they were trying to hold their breath unsuccessfully.

We still didn’t know who the let churchhouse creeper, but I was starting to suspect someone.  I noticed my sweet little cherub faced 3 year old was squirming in her seat.

She looked uncomfortable.  She looked embarrassed.  And then I just knew.  And Adam and I met eyes and then I knew that he knew too.

We were all unbelievably relieved when the vows were all said and the bride and groom were announced as man and wife and we could finally relax.  We all got our chance to giggle, but oddly enough it wasn’t as funny when we were free to laugh as loud as we wanted.  And it definitely wasn’t as funny when I had the knowledge that it was my darling child who caused the whole farting scene.

And bless her heart.  She was embarrassed.  I think it was the first time she had ever felt that emotion.  So we didn’t make a big thing about it, but she did confirm what we already knew.  She was the toot tooter.

I guess I should go ahead and apologize to my precious child for telling this story that she will undoubtedly one day read.  I am sorry Addison.  Everybody has a butt…and everybody farts.  Don’t be embarrassed…just laugh about it and move on.  I am sorry your life is such good blog fodder.

What am I saying?  I am not sorry.  Thank you for being my muse!  You just give me some really great writing material what with all of the wedding farting….and sticking lip gloss in the dog’s butt.  I love you Addison.  My little tooter bug.

Oh and also if any of you would like to know where I found a few of my fart references….check out the Fart Thesaurus.  Thank you Google for coming through once again.

For more stories that won’t be going in the scrapbook…visit Kristen at We are THAT family.

Whoa internets are you still here?  I figured due to my absence you would all have moved on to some other self centered person’s blog.  No?  Well whew… that’s a relief.

My affair with the vampires has ended.  It’s sad, but we parted well and I have a sense of peace that it’s over.  I will miss the Twilight series and the whole Cullen family and I will miss that sense of urgency that I must read every word as. soon. as. possible.

What I won’t miss?  Piles of laundry, dirty floors, dishwashers full of clean dishes and sinks full of dirty one’s.  I won’t miss Adam falling asleep on the couch because my nose is in a book and I won’t miss being away from all 3 of you who read my blog!

So yeah….I am back!  I think everyone should read these books and also see Twilight in movie form as well.  It’s a really good fantasy…SUCH a good fantasy!

I know it sounds like all I did was read for days and days and days.  But I do have some sense of responsibility.  We had to eat and wear clean clothes.  I actually managed to clean the bathroom and Addison’s pigsty of a room too.

Yeah and about her room.  Friday night I decided to help her clean her room and the bonus room because we were having a play date on Saturday.  With Christmas coming I wanted to gather some things to give to the goodwill because I know that Addison has an excess of toys and will be getting more as gifts.

She actually cried when I told her she needed to pick 5 my little pony’s and 3 horses to keep and the rest would go to a less fortunate child.  I explained to her that we are a very blessed family and there are others who don’t have as much.  She seemed resolved, but still tears ran down her cheeks.

Everything is so “special” to her.  I have tried to explain to her that if everything is “special” then nothing is truly special.  She ended up spending the night at my parent’s house because I could see that I was stressing her out by filling garbage bags with toys.

Being a parent forces me to think about my own attachment to “stuff”.  I like to think of myself as a non materialistic person.  The people in my life are of the utmost importance to me, so nothing else really matters. But, it’s a hard introspective thing to realize that I like stuff too.  I have my priorities straight, but I am also a realist.  I have to admit that I love Coach purses and home decor and shoes.  So how can I expect Addison to grasp something that I can’t even do myself?

I think that it’s ok to want stuff, but I would like to find a balance so that I can teach my children that when it comes to what is truly important, we have it all.  I am pretty confident that Addison will learn the right way to feel about material things because I intend to lead by example.  And if she doesn’t well, then I will just put everything we own in trash bags and start all over again.  It sounds like a pretty good idea to me, but since she cried big huge crocodile tears about a toy horse, it would probably not go over very well.

This is just to let everyone know that I have been taken hostage.  My captor is very dangerous.  He is also incredibly hot and only 17.

Yes I have been captivated by my captor while being held captive.

I am so laughing at myself right now. Just being silly.

But I have been missing for days.  Would you like to know what I have been doing?

For days and days and days.

Would you like to know what I am reading?  Say Yes darn-it!  I really want to tell you!  Say Yes!

What’s that? you really do want to know?  Oh good. I have been reading this.

and this.

and today I finished this.

I am OBSESSED!

And I am already aching to read the last one.

I don’t want it to be over, but I can’t wait for it to be over.  I haven’t been this involved in a series of books since Harry Potter.  Yes I am cheating on Harry with a vampire named Edward.  But he is so hot and reading about he and Bella’s love makes me want my husband to come home from work right now.

But not really, because I need a shower.  I mean I don’t smell like a wolf or anything, but a shower would be nice.

These books make me remember feelings that take me back.  New love.  Exciting Passionate Irrational Blinding Overpowering and sometimes even Forbidden….love.  Dangerous even.  It’s bringing all sorts of sordid details to mind.  Back to when I was a size 6 and very young and very naive.

So anyway before I bore you with all of my teenage secrets…the bottom line is….I LOVE these books.  SO thank you Elizabeth for introducing them to Melissa, and thank you Melissa for letting me borrow them.  I cant wait for Sunday when we get to see Twilight.  I know it won’t be as good as the book, but I am still impossibly excited.

Now I must tend to my house because it looks like we have been robbed.  Yeah someone kidnapped the maid.

Did you know our world is changing?

Yes.  I know it’s always changing.  But are you aware that our culture as we know it is teetering on the tip of a pinhead?

We have all been just living our lives and building our careers and having families and buying stuff we don’t need and eating too much and watching too much TV and while all of these things have been going on we have lost sight of the fundamental values that are the most important in this life.  We are distracted.  We are distracting ourselves.  We don’t want to see it.  I have been guilty myself.  And it’s NOT ok.

There is a battle being fought.  A spiritual battle.  A culture war.  The battlefield is everywhere.  It’s not only thousands of miles away in some middle eastern country, it is right here.  In our homes, at our offices and in our churches.

I am raising children in this changing world so I feel like it is my responsibility to be as aware as I possibly can.  So I have been paying attention.  I have been praying for our nation and for our leaders and for our world.  Ultimately I know that the battle has already been won, so I try not to be anxious about what is meant to happen.  I don’t believe that means that I should stop fighting for what I believe.  I am sure there are those who think our country is changing for the better.

I would say that signs point to the opposite.  See above.

What do I think we need more of?  Jesus.

I know that millions of people don’t believe that He is real.  I understand that faith is a hard concept to learn.  I get it that it’s easier to just believe that this world is going to keep on spinning on and on and on forever.  We have all been given a choice.  Free will.  But we have also been given an empty space in our hearts that can only be filled by one thing.  We all try to fill it up with different things.

In the past I have used alcohol and drugs and even denial to try to fill it up.  It always left me feeling even more empty than before.   Until I chose Him.  And in that moment I found it.  Redemption.  The hole was filled up and overflowing.  Pouring out.

This past year has been the worst year of my life.  I can’t even talk about all of the things that have happened.  Hope has come to me though suffering.  I know how it feels to be held up in the midst of a broken heart.  I have chosen to rejoice instead of recoil.

I am strong.  Not because of me but because I am in good hands.    Every time something bad has happened I have run to Jesus.  And when prayers were answered and I felt His peace wash over me I have praised God for that.  I am not special or different.  I am just one human and just one of millions who have endured unbearable things in life.  I just know Who to turn to and Who to hold on to with every event in my life whether it be happy or too painful to face alone.

I really believe that our world is at a turning point.  I won’t speculate that the end of life as we know it is upon us, because  that would be dramatic and foolish.  But I do know if we could just get back to the basics and focus more on faith and family we would all be much happier. And our world would be a better place too.  And whether we choose to believe or not….Jesus Christ exists and our world will be judged.  And here in my little corner of the world I stand in awe…unafraid and unashamed.

This is the story of the day my lovely innocent cherub of a child stuck lip gloss up the dog’s butt.

This lip gloss was a staple during my  high school years.  I had a certain obsession with it.  It smells like cake.  Delicious wonderful vanilla cake with luscious vanilla frosting.  In my lifetime I have probably purchased approximately 50 tubes of this shiny lip enhancer.  Sometimes I would use it until the very last drop was gone.  And sometimes I would lose a brand new tube the day after I bought it.  So for years I would find them everywhere.  Under the passenger seat in my car, in an old purse I was giving to Goodwill or the pocket of a jacket I have been keeping around since 1999.

So it didn’t come as much of a shock when a  3 year old Addison came toddling up to me carrying the familiar tube.  I thought to myself…”wow I haven’t seen one of those in a while”.

Then she said these words.  “Smell it”.

I wish I could say that I didn’t do it.  I guess I just couldn’t even fathom the horror of what was about to happen to my nostrils.

But this sweet little face was looking at me and saying “Mommy smell it”.

So I put the tube up to my nose and sniffed.

OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GAG! RETCH! OH NO!

What IN THE SAM HILL WORLD did I just smell?

After I regained consciousness…I asked Addison where exactly she had put that lip gloss tube before she brought it to me to smell it.

Her silence spoke volumes.

After a series of questions I was able to deduce that she had in fact stuck the vanilla frosting lip smackers lip gloss tube up Max’s butt.

I have smelled a lot of gross things in my life.  But I have NEVER I repeat NEVER smelled anything as horrible or wretched in my entire existence on this planet!

This incident happened 4 years ago people!  I can still remember the horribleness.

Clearly I am suffering from Post Traumatic Olfactory Disorder.  I need help.

I don’t think you can fully grasp the seriousness of the situation.  Let’s recap.

I SMELLED A LIP GLOSS TUBE THAT WAS INSIDE MY DOG’S BUTT!

Ok.  I am ok now.  I am calm.

You may have a hard time understanding why I chose to put my nose to the lip gloss, so to speak.  Well Addison’s cuteness had a hold of me.   Here is a video that will serve 2 purposes.  Show you the caliber of cuteness we were dealing with.  And to honor Veterans day yesterday and show a little patriotism.

For more pictures and stories that will NEVER make it into a scrapbook visit Kristen’s Fro’ Me to You Thursday’s  here.

I love this time of year!  I am not a fan of winter, but when we get to wear sweatshirts, watch SEC football and bring out the Publix pilgrims I am a happy person.  Simple minded maybe….but happy.

I am a new babywearer.  Seven years ago when my oldest was born I had a little Snugli, but I didn’t use it past about 3 months.  When Alivia was born last October I bought a beautiful Hotsling on Ebay.  Here is what it looks like.

Oddly enough I can’t find a picture of myself wearing it.  You get the idea though right?

Alivia is 13 months old and almost 20 lbs and I am still able to use this sling in the hip carry for short periods of time.  I absolutely LOVE it.  I consider it a must have for any baby’s mama!

When Alivia was younger I felt like it was the one item that I couldn’t live without.  I used it around the house and in lieu of a stroller when we were out and about. It came with an instructional DVD and it took some practice, but it quickly became the most natural thing in the world.

I only wish I would have had one when Addison was a baby.  Even though she didn’t get to hang out in a sling I thought she should have one of her own.  I bought a child sized one for her to carry her dolls in.  She would rather carry around our cat SkippyJon Jones.

As Alivia has grown bigger I have used the pouch sling less often.  I knew I wanted something new that would allow me to  wear her on my back.  I talked to Stephanie from Adventures in Babywearing on a Blog Talk radio show one night.  She mentioned a Mei Tei and I was really intrigued.  She also directed me to The Babywearer.com.  I went to check it out and I looked for babywearers in my area.  That is where I met my awesome new friend Vanessa.  She and I talked back and forth and we decided to have a play date.  She brought over all of her baby carriers and when she left she let me borrow one of her Mei Tei’s. It’s a BabyHawk and it is exactly what I was looking for.   I loved it so much that I decided to buy it from her!  Here is a picture of me wearing Livie in it.  No that’s not a double chin…it’s just bad lighting.

I feel like wearing Alivia has really enriched our bond.  Obviously it allows me to get some things accomplished hands free when she wants me to hold her.  But it is also such an intimate feeling to look down and see her looking up at me or sleeping on my chest. I love to be close enough to smell her baby shampoo and take in her lovely baby smell.

Livie is only 13 months old  so my baby wearing experience is short.  But from the first day I put her in the sling I knew that it was something I would continue to do until she is too heavy for me to carry.  Alivia and I both truly enjoy the closeness that it provides.

Side note :  I am going to link to a post on a really funny blog called Best Parent Ever.  They are making fun of babywearers and even though I love the blog on this post they are waaay off base.  It’s all in good fun though I think.

For more babywearing stories and photos visit Steph over here.  Also be sure to check out Nonny and Boo’s beautiful slings and wraps.  I have been drooling over several myself.

Hey peeps.  You hungry?  I have another recipe for you.

I make 2 different types of enchiladas.  One is creamy and one is not.  One thing I have observed in my 27 years on earth is that creamy is usually better.  In most cases anyway.

Ingredients:

10 soft taco size tortillas

1 cup of sour cream

2 cups chopped cooked chicken

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 cup Pace picante sauce

2 cups Monterey Jack cheese

2 tsp chili powder

Garnishes : tomatoes, green onion, black olives, shredded lettuce

Directions:

First you gather all of your ingredients and take a picture for your blog.  What’s that?  I’m weird for taking pictures of grocery’s and food prep?  Ok well…if taking pictures of recipes for my blog is wrong….well I don’t want to be right!

Mix soup, sour cream, picante sauce and chili powder

Hey….you have to stir it

Take one cup of this sauce mix out and mix it with the chicken and one cup of the cheese

Spoon chicken mixture on each tortilla

Place tortilla’s seam side down in a greased 13×9 dish

Pour remaining sauce mix over enchiladas and sprinkle with the rest of the cheese

Cover and Bake at 350 for 40 minutes.

Garnish as needed and enjoy!