I have kind of enjoyed taking a little bloggy break, but I have really missed writing too.  Adam is getting a new laptop from his new job, but the bad news is that it will be his primary workstation, so I won’t have access to it the way I would like.  I am hoping that we will be able to save up and go and buy a laptop of our very own soon.  Adam seems to think that we can get a good deal, so I am crossing my fingers that we can get one soon because I am not doing such a good job of making time to come upstairs and write.

It’s just not comfy to write up here and I have been very busy actually getting things done in our house.  I hate to admit it, because it might cause Adam to rethink my dire need for a laptop of my very own, but due to my lack of computer convenience I have finished a lot of projects, kept the house clean and the laundry caught up.  At least now that most of my projects are accomplished, I might be able to come upstairs and write more often.  The only problem is that when the kids are up here playing and Addison is talking to me while I am trying to write I get frustrated.

I mean what is UP with them actually needing me to pay attention to them?   Geez kids are so selfish and high maintenance sometimes!  Gah! KIDDING! Sort of.

I guess the dilemma is that I could write when Addison is in school and Alivia is napping, but I am torn between blogging and watching recorded shows from the media center getting the housework finished.

Now that I have had my little blog vacay and I am all caught up around the house, I guess I should catch you up with what’s been goin on round here.

I cleaned out all of our closets and drawers.  ( Exciting for you I know!)

I gathered up all sorts of things to sell ( I am going to spend the money I make on mahself ya’ll)

Adam and I went shopping for a bunch of new work clothes for him, and I bought him new underwear and undershirts.

Adam started his new job.  He really likes it and he has so much more free time because it is only a mile away from our house.  He was commuting 32 miles ( an hour each way) every day to his last job.  So not only does this job pay more, we are saving SO much money on gas.  Not to mention how much our quality of life has increased by being together more.  He took me and baby Livie out to lunch today and it was so nice!  He is also coming home for lunch and it’s been pretty great!  Except that I have to get a lot more done before noon thanks to him.  So not kidding…I used to have a flurry of activity getting things done in the afternoon because I had until 6 pm.  I can’t goof off and play around with the baby all morning.

I bought Addison new socks, panties and undershirts ( because all of a sudden she wants to wear little tank tops under everything…the next thing you know, she’ll be asking for a bra!  Let me just say…Hell To The No.)

Addison started gymnastics.  She was so cute out there doing flips and cartwheels and somersaults.  She was so excited about her trial class that we signed her up that same night and bought her a leotard and little shorts to go over top.  She told me that she wants to go back every day.  I was so proud of my little gymnast!

Alivia is becoming such a little clown.  She has a funny little sense of humor and laughs all the time.  She is also going through some sort of separation/stranger anxiety phase.  As flattering and sweet as it is that she loves me best, it’s also a little exhausting being the only one she wants sometimes.  She has started climbing  too.  It’s making me so nervous although she is pretty coordinated and can get on and off of furniture fairly well.  She is getting so big!  She will be a year old  in one month and 11 days.  Shhhhhh don’t say it out loud!

We spent ALL FLIPPIN day Saturday cleaning the upstairs of our house.  My mom helped me start Addison’s pigsty room and I organized the whole office/playroom too.  I moved furniture and it made the room feel so much bigger.  I threw away SOOOO much crap that Addison would probably have a coronary if she knew about half of it.  I am so ninja mom fast at shoving things in garbage bags and taking them to the goodwill.

Today I loaded up the van and took it all to the kids consignment shop.  I cleaned out my winter clothes and took those to the regular consignment shop and now I officially have NO clothes.  Hopefully I will make some money from the things I sold and I can go shopping.  Now that Addison and Adam have new underwear and socks and undershirts and clothes maybe I can take care of my own wardrobe and underwear drawer soon.

So who wins the prize for the most random all over the place blog post of the day?  Yeah.

That would be me.

Ok, so to try and redeem myself for this sucky post, I will try to write a good Fro’ me to you Thursday post tomorrow.  I am not making any promises, but maybe it will be another installment of The Truth is series.  Maybe!  It just depends on how well Alivia naps, so we’ll see.

Until then, I loves me some you guys!

I know I haven’t written in a few days.  Adam started his new job and he had to turn in his laptop.  I know that’s a lame excuse, but I just can’t be hanging out upstairs in the office all day.  It sucks because I feel kind of like a lost a limb, but I will survive somehow.  Anyway…I will try and get back into the groove of things soon….probably….I am pretty sure.  Yeah I will.  Ok see you then.

Sorry ya’ll there will be no Make a List Monday today.  I know…I know…there there, it will be ok.  (now I ask you, what in the Sam Hill World  does “there there” mean anyway?)  But next week I will maybe have a great list to share other than my ENDLESS To Do’s.  Instead I am going to talk about how today I feel like true member of THAT family.

I have to admit that we haven’t had any major accidents in a while.  In fact, although my 7 year old does seem to have an ENTIRE box of Barbie band-aids on her body at all times, we have avoided physical crisis in general  for a good long stretch.  Now, we have had our fair share of twisted ankles and mysterious rashes, and about 6 years ago when Addison was about 18 months old she had to have stitches in the back of her head.  Yes, that is what happens when a toddler doesn’t want her diaper changed and throws a tantrum right into the bottom of her bookshelf.  But, until today we have managed to avoid Murphy’s law for the most part.  And then today happened.

This morning I was cleaning out the hall closet. ( a task on the to do list from which I spared you)  I put Alivia in the pack’n'play and all was well.  Then the stupid, going to get dropped off at a Chinese Restaurantkitten sweet furry little kitten decided to claw the baby’s face off.  Actually he just thought she was playing with him, but he scratched her cheek and she cried and cried while I chased him around the house saying things no southern christian woman should say. I cleaned her up and put a band aid on her poor little chubby baby cheek and she was scratched up, but ok.

So anyway, she recovered from that and we went on with our day.  I put her down for her nap and when she woke up I fed her lunch.  I took her in her room to clean her up and change her clothes.  I put her up on the changing pad on top of her dresser and started wiping her off with a baby wipe.  Then she pulled up on the mirror and she was babbling to herself as she stood there.  Now, I don’t normally pull a Britney Spears let her stand up on furniture , but I was standing right there, and I needed to wipe one of her legs off anyway, so I let her.  Then she somehow lost her balance and turned to the right and tumbled right off onto the hardwood floor.

It was so weird because although it happened very fast, as she was falling it was like slow motion.  I tried to catch her, but she landed right on the floor with a sound I won’t be forgetting soon.  Then came the panic!  Of course she was crying but I couldn’t tell if she was hurt.  My heart was pounding and my head was spinning as I allowed myself to worry that she had broken bones and cracked her perfect little baby melon.  But then…she stopped crying.  I examined her from top to bottom.  I poked and prodded and looked at her teeth and made sure all of her limbs were intact.  And then, she smiled at me.  And then she wanted down.

Several minutes later my body was still pumping adrenaline and Alivia was crawling around pulling up and playing like nothing had happened.  And even though, we escaped this time without an ER visit and no permanent harm was done, I still felt like a horrible mother.  Even now, hours later, I am suffering from a lingering case of mommy guilt.

So needless to say I am feeling a little kindred to my favorite accident prone Texan family….THAT family…you know the ones!  And it’s nice to know that we are not alone!  Our family tree is growing all the time!  Thank goodness for insurance ya’ll!  Oh and I have included some pictures of my VERY active Livie, so you know she is doing just fine now.

As I was walking out the door this morning to take Addison to school I couldn’t help but laugh at myself.  I was carrying Alivia on my hip, my enormous purse on the other shoulder, a bottle of water in one hand and my keys in the other.  Captain Retardo, aka Max our stupid dog, was trying to get out the door so he could come with us, so I was yelling at him to get back, while SkippyJon the kitten was trying to escape into the outside world through my legs.  I finally managed to get Max back in the house and I was trying to deter Skippy by well….kicking at him.

Hey don’t call PETA, I love the cat that’s why I don’t want him to go outside!  Anyway as I was kicking the stupid adorable kitten,  my flip flop came off one of my feet and the baby slid down furthur on my hip.  I dropped my keys and had to try to put my shoe back on while bending over to pick them up.  I almost fell down ( baby and all) while doing all of this because the DOG IS FARKING RETARTED.  Apparently he momentarily forgot that he wasn’t coming with us….again and I had yet to have one drop of coffee, so I was still a little bleary eyed.

I realized that I spend a lot of time carrying the baby and 10 other things while trying to lock and unlock doors and get animals out of the way.  I have strollers and slings to help me when I am out and about, but from the house to the van it seems like I am a one woman side show balancing 16 things and a baby.

It seems like we as moms have to balance a lot these days.  Whether it’s juggling children or jobs or groceries or all of the above, it’s like it’s in the job description somehow that we do EVERYTHING all at once.  And that is ok with me because life would be pretty boring if I didn’t have to trip over dogs and cats and children just to get out of the house.  Simple…but boring.

The first picture is of my oldest daughter Addison and my little cousin Lucas.  It was taken about 5 years ago.

The next picture was taken just a few weeks ago.  They are growing up together and it is so fun to watch.  They fight and argue like siblings, but they love each other a lot and you can tell.  Hehe you can also tell that we have a better camera  now than we did 5 years ago.

Addison is 8 months older than Luke.  When I was in labor with her, my dad’s baby sister ( my Aunt Missy) , came into my hospital room and whispered in my ear that she was pregnant.  Even in the midst of my contractions I was so excited for her!

She was always more like my big sister than my aunt.  She was almost ten years older than me and I wanted to be just like her.   Back in the 80’s I would watch her do her hair and put on makeup ( blue eyeshadow was so cool!).  She let me hang out in her bedroom with her while she listened to Motley Crue and Guns n Roses and Poison.  Hey…it was the 80’s ya’ll.  I loved to look at her prom dresses that looked like my Barbie’s dresses and wish I could be grown up just like her.

When I was older and trying to date boys and do stupid things like hang out in parking lots smoking cigarettes and sometimes worse, she tried to give me advice on how to NOT make bad decisions.  Sometimes I listened…mostly I just made the mistakes anyway  and had to learn the hard way. Yeah ’cause I was quick like that.  But either way, she was always there for me.

She was so fun to be around and one of the most considerate people I knew.  We could communicate with one another without saying a word.  So when I got pregnant with Addie it was sort of weird for her because I was still so young and she was like my big sister.  But then she was pregnant too with Lucas!

So we became mothers at about the same time but we were both in different stages of life.  It was fun watching our children growing up together.  It just made our relationship that much closer.

Everything changed last December when my Aunt Missy was taken from us.  She and her son’s father were trying to settle on a custody agreement.  Actually, she was trying to establish stability and consistency  for her young son’s life and Luke’s father felt she was trying to take him away. ( Which she most definitely was not)  He was obsessed with his son and he wasn’t going to let anyone interfere.  So 10 days before Christmas, he came to her house in the middle of the night, zip tied her hands behind her back and shot her in the back of her head 4 times at point blank range.  I’m sorry if that’s too graphic…but it’s what happened.

There are no words to describe how much she is missed.   Our entire family dynamic has been changed.  Nothing will ever be the same again.  It’s very cliche to say this, but it’s the kind of thing that you hear about, but you never think it can happen to your family.  Except it did happen.  Not only did we all lose a wonderful person in our family,  most importantly Lucas lost his mother and then his father too.

And what a mother she was!   Like any mother her child was the center of her life.  Every decision she made was with Luke in her mind.  We will never understand why this happened.  But, peace is settling itself right in a little bit more every day.  Our family is strong and we trust in God.

Luke is doing well too.  My grandparents are doing a good job picking up where Missy left off (although I know it is very hard for them), and we all try and spend as much time together as we can. Addie and Lucas still fight and argue and drive us crazy, but they have a special bond and I am sure it will only grow over time. We still miss her so much it hurts, and everything is different now, but life is moving right along and we are all just doing our best to go right along with it.

For more Wordless Wednesday go here

Grief is so strange.  It sneaks in at the weirdest times and completely over takes me.  Time is a good thing in terms of mourning.  It does get easier, but the sadness and devastation never gets weaker.  I remember a conversation  had with my Grandma a few days after Missy was found murdered.  We were sitting in a house FULL of people coming to be with us.  I asked her when it would stop hurting so bad.  She told me that eventually there would be a day to pass when I didn’t think about Missy.

She said that I would realize it and I would feel guilty for not being so sad.  I have already had a few of those times, but I have yet to experience a whole day where I didn’t feel sad that she is gone.  Everywhere I look there are reminders.  When Adam was out of town last weekend I had to tell myself that I couldn’t call her to see what she was doing.  I can’t just drop by her house.  She isn’t there.

I think the fact that it is getting close to Alivia’s first birthday is affecting me on many levels.  Obviously my baby is growing up and the first year is a big milestone.  But also I just can’t believe that Missy hasn’t been here to see her growing.  I am so very thankful that she was able to be there for Livie’s birth.  Looking back I never knew how special that would be to me.

I mean at the time all I could focus on was getting that baby OUT!  I never knew that it would be one of the last times I would see her. Then she and my Grandma came to visit the day before we left the hospital.  I was on pain killers and feeling very loopy.  There were quite a few people visiting at the same time, so it was kind of chaotic.  If only I would have known that I would never get to talk to her again after that day, I would have hugged her a little tighter.  I would have looked in her eyes and made sure that she knew how much she meant to me.  But we rarely get a chance to know these things do we?

It’s so weird because as I write this I am actually sobbing and wiping away tears.  I really thought I had no more tears left to cry.  I haven’t cried since the last day of the trial when the guilty verdict was read.  I guess I healed a lot that day.  But, I don’t think me or anyone else in my family will ever be completely healed.

My eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.

Psalm 88:9

I wonder how many years will pass before we will have perfect peace that Missy is with our King.  I go back and forth because I know she is in Heaven, but I just want her here with us.  I want her to be able to raise her son without fear.

I know that everything happens for a reason.  But, I think that evil can foul up God’s plan sometimes.  I don’t believe that it was God’s will for her to be taken from us in such a violent way.  I just refuse to believe that murder is ever a part of God’s plan.  Having said that though, I do believe that good things will come out of this horrible situation.

For he has made known to us in all wisdom and insight the mystery of his will, according to his purpose which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him, according to the purpose of him who accomplishes all things according to the counsel of his will.

Ephesians 1:9-11

We have many things to be thankful for.  We can rejoice that Missy is in her Heavenly body.  She isn’t afraid anymore.  I do find peace in that.  When I wrote the word rejoice just now, I remembered that I wrote  something about that around Easter.  I am going to paste it here even though that will make this THE longest post EVER! Haha!

I just feel like it is important for me to get this out of my head because writing makes me more aware of what I need to be praying for. I wrote this on Easter Sunday in March 2007 on my Myspace blog.

I am feeling pretty good about today.  I think all of our firsts without Missy are going to be hard.  Our family is so awesome.  We still had a fun day. My Grandma gave me a cross that says Rejoice and the message is so beautiful.  Easter is a time to celebrate that Jesus has risen!  It is such a hopeful day and my family’s hope has been shadowed by this horrible tragedy.  I hate thinking about evil people and things.  It would be naive to pretend that they don’t exist, but at the same time I would rather not.  So I think it’s a good thing that we have been able to remember that there is no darkness in heaven….only eternal life.  The sun continues to rise and set and our lives will continue to move along.  It’s hard….really hard sometimes.  Pray for us please.  We are all handling it differently, but we still need prayer.  I still have hope that we will all be happy and content again.  I pray also that the legal side of all this will be resolved soon.  Fears creep into my thoughts.  Pray for justice.  Thank you for all of you who have been there for me.  Not only have you listened to me pour out my thoughts and feelings, you have given me lots of sweet words of encouragement.  It is so therapeutic for me to write.  Even if not many read….it really helps to get it out of my brain

Even though justice was served and her murderer will be in jail for the rest of his life, it won’t bring Missy back to us.  But we will see her again.  And what a day that will be!  For those of you who stuck with me through this ridiculously long post….Thank you.  I feel better already.

Second Grade

First Grade

Kindergarten

Reason’s I love the first day of school:

1.  It’s not MY first day of school.   I was never a big fan of going to school.  Of course I have some fond memories of teachers and I made lots of friends there, but I pretty much disliked the whole process. I wouldn’t go back even if you paid me.  Shhhhh don’t tell Addison I told you that…I want her to actually like to go to school and want to learn!  Stop laughing….it could happen.

2.  School supplies.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE going to Target and buying new stuff for Addie to take to school.  This year, because we are ALL about originality at our house, Hannah Montana has been a highlight.  We have a folder, a lunchbox and some pencils adorned with her over commercialized face.  Oh well, it is what it is ya’ll.  Last night while I was putting all of her stuff in her school box and her backpack I felt so excited.  I am such a sucker for office supplies,  I think it was one of the only things I liked about school.  If I find a really cool mechanical pencil, or an awesome pen…my whole day is made.  I know.  I am such a dork.  Guess what?  I’m ok with it.

3.  New shoes.  I always used to get new shoes right before school( most likely high top Reeboks, OR little white Keds) and I would call my Grandma and sing the new shoes song. ” New shoes, new shoes, just see my new shoes….shiny and bright TODAY!”  Yep.  That’s the song.  I still sing it with Addie! hehehe

4.  First day of school pictures.  My mom did it, I do it and yours probably did too.  You know…” go stand over there with your backpack and let me take your picture in your new outfit and new shoes!”  I remember as I got older this became uncool.  Addison is already irritated by it.  “Ok Mooooom…enough pictures can we just GO!”

5.  My job as activities director just got a little easier!  Yay!  I love summer, and I love Addison more than life itself, BUT….I am a little tired of HUGE messes, boredom, back talking ( otherwise known as sassing), very flexible schedules and standing in front of the pantry for 30 minutes waiting for her to decide what snack she wants.  We always have the same snacks!  Pretzels, cheez-its, popcorn, goldfish and bees!  Pick one and let’s move on or eat a dad blamed apple already! Ha!

Although I am glad summer is coming to a close and it’s good to get back in the swing of things, I will miss spending time together every day.

I will miss:

Getting back in bed during a thunderstorm because she’s scared and the baby is napping.

Eating ice cream cones on the deck while the baby pool fills up.

Staying up late watching movies and cuddling on the couch.

Impromptu sleepovers with Mimi so Adam and I can have a night alone.

and….mostly I will miss Addie catching me off guard every so often with her sweet soul.

“Mommy?”

“Whatty?”

“I love you”

Awwwww it’s enough to break my heart!!!!  Until next summer!  Addison, Welcome to SECOND GRADE!

I hope it’s a great year!

I took this personality test and I was very surprised at how hard it was for me to get through it.  I rarely sit down and ask myself deep meaningful questions.  It’s just that I don’t have a lot of time for introspection in between Hannah Montana episodes, cooking, cleaning, contributing to a national conspiracy, going to Sam’s to buy toilet paper and whipping my boobs out every few hours.

Even though there were some questions that I had to really think about, the end result is VERY accurate.  I know these sorts of tests are a little silly, but it was really fun and when I saw my results I just smiled as I read.  It is REALLY me they are describing.  I know I know….me and a million others, but just let me “feel special” m’kay?

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations … where you shine.

In love, you are very protective and supporting.
However, you do need to “feel special” - and it’s quite easy for you to get jealous.

At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive

When other people don’t get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

I do keep pretty busy, but I sometimes manage to steal some quiet time in order to just stop and listen.  In those moments I usually have a glass of wine in my hand and I find myself on the porch swing alone.  It’s kind of nice to just sit and be.  And on that note….I think I am going to pour myself a glass.  Don’t judge me people…I’m home alone in my pj’s and it’s Saturday night!  Good times.