Ok so I have seen EVERY single episode. I rented the first few seasons when Addison was a baby and spent a few days catching up. That was a LONG time ago. It was back when the characters used to talk directly to the camera. Does anyone remember those seasons? Sometimes one of those old episodes will come on TBS. I have to confess that I record all of the reruns and I watch them when nothing is on TV. Actually, I hate commercials so I watch the recorded stuff even when there might be something interesting on. Everyone needs a Media Center. I know this to be true.

It was very upsetting when the show ended, so I am very excited about the movie. Sara and I are going tonight!!!! Melissa was going to come, but we have to go at 10 because the earlier shows were sold out. We will miss you Mel, and for the record I think you should suck it up and come with us anyway, but I know how tiring it is to have a baby. So I understand, but I still think you are OLD! I am just giving you crap, I love ya.

I saw on the Marquis at the older movie theater in town that they had written SEX IN THE CITY. WRONG! Who the hell do they think they are? Ok I am so kidding , but seriously, surely it is written the correct way on movie posters and stuff like that all over the inside of the theater. I mean GET IT TOGETHER movie theater! And if you actually know something about the show, you would know that New York City is such an integral part of the show it has been said that it is one of the main characters. I would wholeheartedly agree. I have yet to have the pleasure of visiting there, but I feel like I am missing out partly because of what I have seen on the show. Adam and I both really want to travel there when our children get a little older. We are still transitioning from one child to 2. It has been a little difficult. I digress….

I am looking forward to tonight and the only thing that makes me sad about it is that after tonight it will be over for good. Nothing but reruns and buying the DVD to look forward to. It’s more than a little disappointing. Despite all of that, I can’t wait to see what happens!

I am the Samurai Stain fighter! I have battled many persistent stains, and they continue to come at me every day. I have spent innumerable amounts of money on sprays and gel sticks and even pens with bleach in them. I even have Tide-To-Go sticks all over the house. I also have combined the sprays with actual elbow grease and a toothbrush to combat baby food stains, explosive poop diaper leak stains, and whatever disgusting things kids get on their clothes at school stains.

It never ceases to amaze me how much time I really spend in the laundry room with the toothbrush in my hand trying to salvage mustard sprayed, grass stained, marker stained clothing. Adam even called out “Hey Samurai” while I was out there scrubbing the other day. (I might have referred to myself as the Samurai Stain fighter once or twice before).

It is a very good feeling to see it come out of the washing machine as good as new, but every once in a while, there is a stain so bad that it cannot be saved.

I don’t normally have a problem throwing things away, but if it had a stain in the first place it was obviously good enough to be worn. So it sucks really bad to see a really cute shirt or sweet little baby outfit stained beyond repair. Oh well it happens. And sometimes shit happens….literally. I am not sure about formula poop’s staining ability, but there is something about breast milk poop that is very unforgiving on some fabrics even with Spray n Wash with RESOLVE POWER ( which by the way really does work for most everything).

I really love being a homemaker and stay at home mom person, but I do feel like pulling my hair out of my head sometimes. There are lots of little annoying things that become very redundant over time, and I am only a few years into this endeavor. The rewards far outweigh the muttering curse words through my teeth moments, but guess what?… this is my blog, so I can complain if I want to.

So, last night we were all very tired after an extremely fun afternoon family BBQ. We put the girls to bed and went to the couch to watch TV. There was nothing on because it was Sunday night at 11:00, so we watched 2 episodes of Cops, and shuffled off to bed. Early this morning I awoke to little 7 year old footsteps and then when I opened my eyes there was a tiny tooth in my face. I squinted, because I couldn’t tell what it was at first, then OH CRAP I FREAKING FORGOT TO BE THE TOOTH FAIRY LAST NIGHT!

I honestly felt about as big as that tiny little tooth, and I told her that maybe the TF couldn’t see it because it was so small, or maybe she took the day off because it is Memorial Day. Ha! More likely, the tooth fairy is a very tired mommy who just plain forgot because the haven that we call our bed was calling her name. (and I rarely get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time) What the hell do I do now? I’ll just hope my child doesn’t figure out that her mom is the one who has been enabling her childhood delusions all this time! I really want a couple more years of make believe.

People are so stupid! Seriously….I hate seeing a kid in a car just climbing around the seats like a little monkey while his idiot mom or bonehead dad drive along in complete ignorance. You don’t have to spend 200 bucks to keep your child safe in the car. Go to Wal-mart and buy a 30 dollar carseat (instead of a carton of cigarettes) and possibly save their life if you get in an accident.

Usually these are the same parents driving around smoking with their kids in the car and they don’t even care about secondhand smoke. We have all seen these types of people somewhere. Sometimes I see them in the grocery store with their little barefoot child and they are yelling “shut up or I’m gonna whoop yer butt”! or “sit yer ass down in that cart or I’m gonna call yer daydee (translation-daddy)” . The problem is that these asinine people are everywhere! I live in the south, so I know they are a little more prevalent, but sometimes I get so infuriated when I see people actually endangering their children.

Well, my day started pretty well. Tonight hasn’t been so great. Adam had a gig, and after dinner my parents came over to visit us. They live just a few houses down the street so they just walked up to our house with their dog Cooper. When they arrived, I was giving Alivia a bath in the kitchen sink and Addison was getting ready for bed. The mood was cheerful because it had been a few days since we had all seen each other. My dad (Addison calls him G-daddy) took Addison outside so she could play on the swing set. After the baby’s bath my mom (Addie calls her Mimi) and I took Alivia into the living room to watch her crawl and play on the floor.

My dad and Addison came in the back door and my dad had “a look” on his face and he said that we might have an issue. Then he quickly walked straight out the side door. I am pretty much a worry wart and I always have been, so my stomach immediately became uneasy. Do you know that feeling? It’s kind of like you know that something bad has happened. Addison sensed it too and when my dad came back in the house our eyes met and he motioned for me to come out.

He asked me if our cat Macy had a little white spot on her lower belly area. I honestly couldn’t really remember. At that moment I just didn’t know the answer to that question , but I knew that he wasn’t asking me out of curiosity. So I was pretty sure that I was about to see something bad. I know that I have dragged this story out long enough, so yes it was her. Our sweet little Macy kitty had been hit by a car.

My sadness exists on several different levels. I just saw her out lounging on our deck a very short time ago. So I guess it just doesn’t seem real that I also just walked out to our neighbors driveway with my dad to identify her lifeless body. Another thing is that my very sensitive Addison is an absolute animal lover. To say that she loved this cat is the understatement of the year. Even though I wasn’t thrilled , Macy slept with Addie every night. When I would go upstairs to lay out Addison’s clothes, Macy would be curled up next to her, or much to my chagrin, on her pillow. I wasn’t fond of changing pillowcases 3 times a week, but Addie had a bond with this cat. The first thing that entered my head was how could I avoid telling my child this awful thing. Finally, and I think this is the worst part, the reason I even had this sweet kitty is because my childhood best friend was killed in a car accident 6 years ago. Whitney’s mother was gracious enough to give me her daughter’s tiny little kitten. After the funeral, Adam and I went to Whitney’s house to get our new pet. I will never forget how small she was and how she curled up in my lap on the way home. I was so sad about losing Whitney, but I couldn’t help but smile when I looked down at Macy’s little face.

I can’t help but feel a little guilty. I shouldn’t have let her become an inside/outside cat. I should have protected her from harm. It’s silly to think like that though. Our other cat Jack was a stray kitten and we could never keep him inside. Macy just wanted to be outside with Jack. It’s no one’s fault and I am just sad that it happened. Addison handled it all very well, and I am glad I was honest with her. I thought briefly about just telling her that Macy ran away. However, I know Addie and we would have been causing ourselves more grief in the long run by sparing her feelings today. I spoke simply and gently and she cried, but after we talked about our good memories she seemed to be alright. She wanted to call Adam’s mom (Yaya) and his sister April to tell them the bad news.

I am very upset by all that has happened, but I have yet to cry a tear. What is wrong with me? I am too tired to go into all of that, but if anyone has an answer for me I would love to hear it. As long as it doesn’t include the words heartless, cold, or emotionless I would love to hear your theories. Until later…..

I don’t know who decided that it would be a good idea to add a repeat play function on the Baby Einstein DVD menu. I would like to give them a big hug and say thanks for the extra time in the shower! When Addie was born I only had baby Einstein on VHS, so I am really enjoying this new found bonus time as I get to shave both legs and dry my hair everyday Bravo!

Adam had a gig Saturday and he left at 6:30 in the morning to go be a musician in North Carolina. So I had the bed to myself and a pretty good thunderstorm to help me relax Saturday night. I had a glass of wine and got into bed to watch tv, and I have to admit it was kind of nice. As soon as I turned off the tv and my head hit the pillow, Alivia woke up hungry and of course she wanted to eat….these damn kids want to eat every day! She then woke up every 2 hours for the rest of the night. Sometimes I want to run away just so I can get some real sleep. I stomp in the nursery all irritated and bleary-eyed, and then I see her smiling face and suddenly I am no longer pissed off. That is how my mothers day started though. I was groggy, but I drank a massive amount of coffee so I could survive the day and walk upright.

My parents just live down the street and Addison spent the night with them Saturday. My dad makes a great breakfast, so Sunday Alivia in her pj’s and I with my giant coffee made the trek toward the pancakes. We had a nice morning and then I took the baby back home so she could take a nap. It was incredibly windy and I opened the doors and let the air come through the screens while I tried to figure out what dessert I was going to make for our family gathering later in the day. When Alivia woke up we went to Publix and she gnawed on her toy chicken leg (see above photo) and made everyone in the store smile.

After we got home I decided that in honor of mother’s day I would pour a glass of wine while I baked my dessert. I sort of forgot to eat lunch, so that glass of wine prompted me to make buzzed mother’s day calls to my girlfriends with kids “Oh hi! you are such a good mommy…did you know I love you?” I laughed a little extra as my friend Melissa told me for her first mother’s day, her husband made her a “momlette” for breakfast…get it? Yeah, I thought that was awesome. Addison stayed down at my parent’s house all day and Alivia didn’t seem to mind that I poured myself another glass of wine. I don’t normally drink during the day, but what the hell it was mother’s day.

I usually get pretty busy when we are having company, and Adam tells me to calm down and reminds me that no one cares if I dust in the bedroom or vacuum the stairs. I have been known to run around and get a little stressed out on these occasions. Personally I think it’s normal to get this way and to care what people think about how clean my house is. Mothers’ day this year was pretty much an exception to my normal frantic behavior. I cleaned the sink in the bathroom and made up the bed. When my grandma came in I hugged her and said “Heeeey! I’ve been drinking and the bathroom’s a mess” She just chuckled and said “That is what I love about you”. I love my family. We know how to have a good time. To be honest, I may have been self-medicating just a bit. This was our first Mother’s day without my Aunt Missy and I knew it was gonna be a hard day. I tried to keep cheerful and I succeeded in getting through the day with minimal tears and lots of smiling haha and slurring. Missy would have liked that.

Without going into too much detail, my Aunt Missy was killed in December, 10 days before Christmas. She was 36 and she was like my big sister. She has a 6 year old son and my grandparents are raising him. She was my dad’s baby sister and he still has his brother, but our family has a big gaping hole in it now. It hasn’t been very long and we are having all of our firsts without her and it’s been a hard year so far. We miss her terribly and life will never be the same….ever. I might tell the story of how she died one day, but I today is not that day. Just know that she was amazingly awesome and funny and we were lucky to have her in our family.

Back to it….Mother’s Day was good, I ate too much and drank too much, and had fun chillin with the fam. Yeah, it was a good day. I like being a mom most days, but especially yesterday

After I nurse her she is drowsy and full of milk. She cuddles into my neck and she reaches up with her chubby little hand and plays with my hair. Then she sings a little sleepy humming song. I breathe her in, she smells of dreft and the baby lotion in the pink bottle. She is a perfect little human and I am so glad to know her. She is mine to love and hold close.

When she wakes up in the morning she is so happy to see me. She laughs a little bit when I open the door. She is always on her belly and she kind of looks like she is swimming in her crib. Although, lately she has been up on her hands and knees and I think she has been in there practicing her take off. She hasn’t actually crawled continuously yet, but she is very close. She is full of personality, and smiles all the time. She has two tiny little bottom teeth and when she smiles really big you can see them. If you try to look at them any other time and you stick your fingers in there to see, she sticks out her tongue so you can’t see a thing.

She loves her big sister and she watches her intently. No one can make her smile like Addison can. Mostly Alivia is just a joy to be around. She is a funny baby though. She gets serious and she will just stare at you sometimes. Her lips will be straight across and she won’t crack even the tiniest bit of a smile. She just looks at you with her big blue eyes and she blinks and blinks. I wonder what she is thinking about when she does that. I think she is just absorbing all of the things that go on in our house. She is getting used to the dog barking and hearing me yell at Addison. (Yes. I am a yeller). I hope she doesn’t think we are crazy….oh wait, we all are kind of nuts around here

Before I got married and had children (or the other way around in my case) I never thought about anyone but myself. I was so self centered. I was blind to what other people were going through and I never paused long enough to try and be empathetic. If I heard a sad story or my mom told me about something important that was going on, it went in one ear and right out the other. In my defense, I realize that I was young and immature, and it’s typical to be a little ignorant because of lack of life experience. I also know that people who have more children than I do or have been married for longer would probably say that I still have much to learn about life. They are probably right about that. However, I feel a little sorry for people who can’t see clearly into situations in which they are currently involved.

I see these people and I wonder how I must have been perceived in the past. I did and said many many stupid things. I spoke before I thought most of the time. I never thought about how what I said would affect others or how it would make me look. I don’t think I ever really listened to what others were saying. I was in my own head most of the time and it seems to me that my head was pretty empty. I am a little embarrassed to think about when I was younger and more inexperienced. I like who I am so much more these days. And as these days turn into years ( and oh how fast time passes lately!) I have realized that I am suddenly a grown up. It’s not because of what I do during the day, it’s about how I look at the world and the people who are in it.

Most of the people in my life are smart and genuine and I respect how they live their lives. However, I also know people who live recklessly with their words and don’t realize what their actions are saying about their character. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone says stupid stuff, but I just think that there comes a point in life when it’s time to really look at ourselves and take responsibility for what we do and say.

I am just as guilty as the next person of getting into daily routines and forgetting that I am raising children and it really matters how I handle situations. I have made mistakes in my parenting in the past 7 years that will impact who Addison becomes. I know that I am a good mom and I have done many things right. I just know that when I became a mom I was young and I didn’t realize what a huge responsibility I had been given. I fed her and cleaned her and clothed her. I loved her and kept her away from danger. I know how to do all of those things, and I do them to the best of my ability. It just that as Addison gets older her needs are changing. She still needs help getting the shampoo out of her hair, and she still need me to hold her and love her. But, she is going to need me to teach her how to make the right decisions in her life. I am terrified that I am going to miss something important. What if I forget to teach her something that she needs to know in order to become a kind and reliable person? I am quite sure that as I change and grow my parenting changes. How does that impact Addison and Alivia?

Wow…when I sat down to write it was going to be way more lighthearted I seriously wrote a paragraph about the cute guy from the freecreditreport.com commercial. Then I deleted it and wrote this. Ok I might be a little nuts today. Or everyday…

So for my first post I thought I would just say hello….and experiment a little. I have been blogging for a while, but it has just been on a social networking site and I thought I would venture out. This is me…I start most sentences with the word so and I really like to use dot dot dots If you can accept that great! We can be friends and I will be glad to tell you all about my day and what I think about stuff in general. Hopefully you will be a person who actually gives a crap about what I say and feel. So now that I have accomplished something tonight, I am going to go do all of the mommy things I need to do before I get to go to bed. Let’s just keep our fingers crossed that I am able to get more than 3 hours of sleep in a row! Ha! yeah right.